Episode Notes

In a trailer park in the middle of nowhere a supernatural fling brings about a new born baby that may be the beginning of the end...

I Had Mothman's Baby by Daniel Wilder

Music by Ray Mattis http://raymattispresents.bandcamp.com

Produced by Daniel Wilder

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Transcript:

Earl entered the mobile home located in Lot 151 of the Comf-E trailer park at roughly 9:45 a.m., but the inside of that residence was as black as a moonless midnight… save for a few beams of light that weakly pierced the room from some random cigarette burn holes on the makeshift blackout curtains that hung from rods starting to bow from the weight.

The air was sweet with the heady elixir of dollar store wine gone sour, weed, and what could possibly be a week old filet-o-fish sandwich from the local Big M… and of course, that ol’ hoary chestnut, piss. 

Not content with the redneck aroma therapy he was getting at no charge, Earl turned on the flashlight on his smart phone to discover he wasn’t in a mere trailer… oh no, this was surely the den of some dragon that had confused absolute shit for treasure. Everywhere he shined the light there were piles of pizza boxes, beer cans, and tabloids.

“H-hello?” he cried with a trembling voice.

Only silence… well silence and a cat hissing somewhere from under a nearby mountain of debris answered his call.  

Suddenly from his left he saw what at first appeared to be a scarecrow with large black eyes leap from behind a Lazy-Boy festooned with porno mags and half empty jars of Vaseline. As the creature charged him and smashed him to the ground he saw it was, in truth, a scrawny woman wearing large sunglasses.

“Jesus Verlene, you scared the unholy hell out of me!”

“Shut your cocksucker and turn that damn light off!” Verlene hissed.

Earl complied and Verlene grabbed his hand with a grip like iron and lead him through the filth to the kitchen… though how she saw where they were going in the inky darkness, with those glasses on no less, he couldn’t say.

Soon Earl found himself sitting at Verlene’s table in her completely dark kitchen… which amazingly didn’t smell as bad as the previous room… mainly just some unidentified wet paper smell filled the air.

“You look well” Earl managed.

“Bullshit!” Verlene spat… literally… the flecks of phlegm she dislodged hit Earl in thick, hot globs. “I look like a plop of cat barf left to dry on a hot August sidewalk!”

“Did you call me here just to discuss your looks?”

“No, I called you here because you are the only one I’ve fucked in Stumpville Holler with any kind of media clout!” 

“Statistically that seems extremely improbable” Earl said, itching his crotch by reflex.

“Look, I know your callin’ me a whore with your fancy learnin’ words… and you ain’t wrong neither… but damn it, I have the story of the century here!”

“Here… in the Comf-E?”

“No you idiot… in all of Stumpville Holler… hell, maybe in the entire world!”

“You know the Leader Gazette doesn’t pay for stories… “

“I’m not in it for any cash… I want to warn other girls so they don’t make the same mistakes I have!”

“I think over half the girls have made the mistakes you have… with the same men” 

“Fair, but the mistake I made last was with no man that ever walked this Earth!”

“Christ, I’ll bite… lay it on me.”

“It was round about last Thur… “

Earl pressed record on his phone’s video option, though why he chose that, in a pitch black room, is a mystery for another day.

“Okay you can start now.”

“Dammit, I already did!”

“Well, take two then.”

“Fine, it was round about last Thur… “

“Oh turds… my battery died.”

“Feel to your left, there’s a charger cord right there.”

“For a 10?”

“I don’t know… it’s for the one with the small hole.”

“Should work… let me see.”

“For crap’s sake Earl, this story is going to rip reality to bits and here we are monkey fuckin’ around with your phone… can’t you just write shit down?”

“I could, but my wrist cramps when I write by hand too much… plus it’s completely dark in here… “

The sound of Earl’s phone connecting to a viable charging source rang out.

“See? All good… okay, go!”

“It was round about last Thursday, and I went down to Sly’s for a drink… I had a few and started to zone out watching the Million Dollar Movie… that’s when the door flew open and he walked in. He was dressed in a large, fur coat and he wore a hat and scarf that covered his head. I couldn’t see any detail about him at all, but goddamn did he get me horny.”

“Local whore wants to screw… how’s that for a headline?”

“Laugh it up Brainiac… you won’t be laughing soon.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Consider it a promise.”

“Oh, I always liked it when you played rough!”

“Well buckle up sweetheart, ‘cuz ol’ Verlene is going to take you to some tough turf pronto! Anyway, over he saunters and he sits right down at the bar next to me, and I was mesmerized… only at that time I didn’t realize it was that wing powder of his that was making me swoon so hard.”

“Wing… powder?”

“Yeah, you see this fellow was more moth than man… “

“Moth? Man? Like that Mothman from over in Point Pleasant?”

They both spat after the mention of their ages old rival town.

“The very same!”

“Well, what was he doing in Stumpville Holler?”

“From my experience… looking to get laid.”

“He certainly picked the right gal.”

“I should take offence… but when you’re right, you’re right. Anyway, I’m gettin’ ahead of myself. So, he parks it next to me and we begin with the small talk… he tells me he’s a vacuum cleaner salesman working for Indrid Cold LLC selling the suckers door to door, and he just picked up the Stumpville Holler territory. Funny thing though… he doesn’t so much tell me this, but rather puts the information straight into my mind.”

“Nothing much there to get in the way of his message… “

“I don’t have to take this shit from you… “

“You totally do though.”

“Yes.” she said knowingly.

“Continue.”

“Anyway, he tells me his whole life story… how he grew up as an outcast, how his first kiss was with his cousin… “

“Gross.”

“Should I remind you that we are cousins… “

“Good point.”

“Long story short, I invited him back here, and he took off that coat… but I instantly realized he was just unfurling a pair of big ol’ moth wings that he used to mimic a coat.”

“What about the hat and the scarf?”

“Those were real.”

“Amazing.”

“Right?!! But I assure you, what was underneath was anything but human.”

“But you did it with him anyways?”

“Remember that powder I mentioned earlier? That crap flew everywhere when he spread those damned wings, and I was powerless as that devil dust covered me. I had flashes of Patrick Swayze and baseball, and when I woke up in the morning my lover from beyond the stars had vanished… but my belly was swollen and I had a case of the pukes something fierce.” 

“You were pregnant?”

“Yeah… and extremely allergic to sunlight… hence the curtains, still am too.”

“So this pregnancy?” 

“It went quick, yeah… a day or two of craving pickles and sub sauce… a few days of crying, but it was legit… I peed on a stick or two, and it all checked out.”

“Did you consult a doctor?”

“No… hell no! What would I tell them, hey doc, I think I have some alien larva in my womb, care to take a look or spray some Raid up in that bitch?” 

“ I see your point.”

“So I holed up here, and I got the urge to make a nest right quick. So I hoarded anything that brought me any sense of being at ease… junk food, porn… and there was one craving I couldn’t resist… Vaseline… I ate that shit like a high quality french onion dip… spread across crackers, chips… anything that could get it in my mouth faster and faster… not to mention the lip balm… “

“Strange… and nauseating.”

“Don’t judge a woman what is with child.”

“Never would I dream of it my fair lady.”

“You know the fact that you speak like Shakespeare and live in a festering armpit like Stumpville Holler makes you look like a bigger award losing dumbass then all of us in town combined, right?”

“You resemble that remark more than most.”

“Thank you, that’s mighty sweet of you. Now where was I?”

“Eating Chapstick, as one so often does?”

“Huh? Oh right, the Vaseline… so I ate and ate that stuff for days… at least two of ‘em… and then finally I fell asleep.”

“You were awake for forty eight hours, eating petroleum jelly the entire time?”

“Sure was.”

“It never occurred to you that was strange?”

“It occurred, I just didn’t care… it was that damn powder I tell you!”

“I’m sensing you’ve had plenty of powder lately.”

“Damn you Earl, I am not high!”

“Uh-huh. Then what happened?”

“Well, sometime during my nap I sat up in bed and puked that jelly up all over my cooch.” “I think I’ll change that to ‘groin’ in the piece if that’s okay with you?”

“Do what you must Earl, just make sure people heed my words!”

“I’ll do my level-headed best Verlene.” 

“So anyway, I woke up with my pubes itching something fierce… then they came out in clumps… but I saved them in a jar, just in case you think eggheads may need to give them the once over after they read your piece.”

“After this goes live I may need to weave them into a coat to stay warm on the streets I’ll doubtless be living on.”

“You always was a kinky one Earl… you get that from our grandmother!”

Both crossed themselves at the mere mention of the woman.

“That’s when I noticed my entire private area was swollen, and growing longer… that barf jelly had made my skin stretchy and helped keep things well lubricated!”

“What does it say that that is the second most gross thing I associate with you?”

“What’s number one… the sperm burp incident?”

Earl shivered. “Yes, may it ne’er be spoken of again.”

“May it never be spoken of again.” Verlene repeated in agreement, shivering as well. “Shall we continue?”

“Against all common sense I’m going to have to say ‘yes’.”

“Things kept gettin’ longer and longer, until my whole lower half looked like a throbbing potato with two tiny legs kicking on either side… and then… “

“Y-yeah?”

“Well, things kept vibrating and churning until my vag opened wide as a hound’s yawn, and a big ol’ egg rolled on out.”

“Y-y-ou laid an… e-e-egg?”

“Yes Mel Tillis, I surely did!”

“What did you do with it?”

“Well, once my parts shrunk back down, I sat on it.”

“Sat on it?”

“Yup, right in my Lay-Z-Boy.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know… a few hours, a few days… anyway, pretty soon that egg got to rockin’ and rollin’ and before long it started to crack right open!“

Earl pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He waved for Verlene to continue. “I don’t know what I expected to crawl out of that shell covered hell, but a giant maggot wasn’t it that’s for sure.”

Earl gagged, but quickly regained his cool when he remembered the massively unreliable narrator spinning this yarn.

“Are you fucking me?”

“Not yet, is it still on the table?”

“No… God no… I meant are you just making this up?”

“Seriously, what on Earth would I stand to gain from this… my vagina looks like a basketball hoop, and I literally screwed a space monster… this is a new low even for me.”

“Point taken. So your… larva?”

“My baby!”

“Sorry… your baby, my apologies”

“Accepted. Anyway, what about it?”

“What did you do with it?”

“I fed it first of all.”

“Like… with your breast?”

“No, I gave it a plate of wings and a Coors to wash it down… yes, with my breast,and guess what? It leaked pure petroleum jelly… it was like liquid gold for my offspring!”

“Then what?”

“Well, that was was two days ago… after that, I discovered a fun fact, my pride and joy was attracted to light… and I also couldn’t help but notice it had shed it’s skin and now looked like a charming cross between a toddler and a gypsy moth… that’s when I decided to take a mental health break and shut out the world beyond these trailer walls.

Earl had to admire the near Greek tragedy laid out before him; child sired by a God-like being to a mortal woman… albeit one that oozed Vaseline from her nipples… but still, a mortal woman besodden with a being she could scarcely understand… a star lost wanderer stranded on a cruel Earth… a…

“I imagine it’s hungry again… want to see the little fucker?”

“Wait, it’s here… n-now?”

“Sure! Where else would it be… this is it’s home sweet home!”

“I-I don’t know… it never crossed my mind that it would be… here.”

“It is! Here, let me turn on some lights… “

A flashlight beam cut through the darkness. From somewhere deep withing the mobile home came the sound of refuse being knocked asunder.

“Here boy… here Aloysius!” “You named it after grandpa?!!”

“I promised my Momma I would!”

The sound of multiple skittering footsteps filled the trailer.

Verlene swung the flashlight in wild arcs, one of which illuminated her face. 

Earl recoiled at the sight of her parchment skin and radiation burned eyes, now devoid of sunglasses, that wept tears of opal colored pus down her sunken cheeks.

“Here Al… come out and meet your cousin Earl now!”

The footfalls grew ever closer, until suddenly they stopped just left of where Verlene was sitting.  

She turned the beam on her spawn.

“Isn’t he a sight?”

Earl felt the vomit rise and splash against the back of his teeth, but against all odds he managed to swallow his puke down with a mighty ‘gulp’.

There in the flashlight illumination stood a being part insect, part human, and the nastiest element of both. It looked at him with eyes equal parts his grandmother and a gypsy moth he squashed on his prized Begonias a few weeks back.

“I-I… it’s… “

“Beautiful, ain’t he?”

It was no sooner than when Verlene uttered those words that her baby’s eyes lit up like two rubies forged in Hell’s inferno.

“Oh, he’s doing his thing on ya… look away Earl!”

“I-I can’t… “

“Don’t look him in the eye!”

It was to late for any warning… Earl had looked into those eyes and he was transfixed like a deer in headlights!

“Al! Al, you stop that this instant!”

Earl’s eyes swelled and began seeping a viscous fluid that smelled of tuna fish and cinnamon.

“W-what is happening?”

“I think he’s fixin’ to… “

Before Verlene could finish her words, Al had extended his razor sharp proboscis and jammed it through Earl’s skull. 

“Stop eating your cousin you son of a bitch!”

Verlene was too late in her reprimand, as Al had siphoned Earl’s cerebral fluid… not to mention various other bodily fluids… in a fraction of a second, and left only a withered husk in his wake.

Earl’s corpse fell to the litter-strewn floor in an unceremonious heap.

Al retracted his feeding tube and cuddled up in his mother’s arms purring softly.

“Dammit, now where am I going to find anybody else to tell our story?”

Al burped and nuzzled close.

“Oh well, maybe I can rub my goods against someone from the Gazette… it’s a town over… “ She spat a glob of thick phlegm to the floor… “but, beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to publicity, ain’t that right baby?”

Al cooed softly and drifted off to sleep.

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