Dec. 27, 2024

Five Tales for New Years Terror!

Five Tales for New Years Terror!
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Tonight, we journey into the heart of darkness with your hauntingly mesmerizing host and narrator, Henrique Couto, as we celebrate five years of spine-chilling stories that tantalize and terrify. In this very special year-end episode, Henrique expresses his deepest gratitude for the loyal listeners who've shaped 2024 into a thrilling adventure for the Weekly Spooky family. With a tone both reflective and invigorated, he thanks his spooky family for their unwavering support, especially during his own personal trials. There’s a distinct warmth emanating from Henrique's words, generating a sense of unity that only those who share a love for the macabre can understand.

As we raise a toast to the New Year, we’re invited to brace ourselves for an assortment of frightful tales crafted by imaginative writers. From monsters lurking in the shadows to ghosts that whisper long-lost secrets, the atmosphere is thick with anticipation. Henrique sets the stage as he prepares to introduce the night’s menu of horror and mayhem, encouraging listeners to subscribe on their favorite platforms and to settle in for a night steeped in chilling narratives. This isn’t just another podcast episode; it’s an experience designed to rattle your bones and quicken your pulse as we intertwine horror with celebration.

The first harrowing story, "Even the Devil Tells the Truth," by Dan Wilder, plunges us into a sordid tale draped in darkness. An anthropological look at sociopaths who dance with death on the shimmering edges of New Year's Eve, we follow a narrator whose callous perspective on life invites shivers of dread. The character's maliciously vivid tales of his encounters on the cold streets take the listener down alleys that most would shy away from, culminating in a sinister pact that intertwines his fate with the Devil himself. The narration pulls us in with its gritty realism, illustrated through haunting imagery that grips the imagination and leaves us questioning the very nature of evil.

Without losing momentum, we traverse through the supernatural with stories like “Satan’s Shotgun,” where the essence of timeless vengeance seeps through every word. The narrative intricately weaves the past with present horrors, exploring themes of redemption entwined with malevolence. Here, the listener finds themselves ensnared in a web of fate as the protagonist seeks retribution against an old nemesis. Vivid descriptions create a cinematic experience, stimulating an array of emotions, perfectly encapsulating what it means to confront one's past amidst unyielding darkness.

We are then whisked off to “A Few Cold Ones,” a story both contemporary and haunting, perfectly aligning with the festive spirit of Brew Year’s Eve as it juxtaposes the exuberance of celebration with the lurking horrors of the unknown. Characters face the consequences of indulgence and bravado, as a seemingly innocent party quickly spirals into chaos when the supernatural looms at every turn. Here, Henrique’s narration captures the essence of fright masquerading beneath revelry, leaving us teasingly aware that danger often hides in plain sight.

Our escapade ventures into “Stakes and Shoguns,” where humor and horror collide in a chaotic New Year's celebration. Following the unexpected twists of three punk rock friends on a mission, the listener is treated to a narrative that explores adolescence, nostalgia, and the ultimate confrontation with extraterrestrial monstrosities. With a dash of comedy and a flair for the absurd, the story invites laughter as much as it incites chills, masterfully satiating the craving for both thrills and amusement.

And all is wrapped up nicely by the wonderfully bizarre "Zombie Punks from Upstate New York."

As the episode concludes, Henrique leaves us with a heartfelt reflection on the past year and a glimpse of what awaits in 2025—a promise of new tales and spine-tingling surprises. With a fervent invitation to join the expanding community of listeners and creators, he underscores the importance of connection in the shared love for the spooky. So, as we cross into the New Year, let us bear witness to the tales that shape our fears and celebrate the storytellers who keep the essence of horror alive through the magic of audio.

Prepare to be terrified and entertained, as this episode is sure to provide unsettling leaps of imagination that linger long after the final words fade into the night. Each story is a testament to the craft of horror writing, embodying the thrill of dark exploration under the expert guidance of your host, Henrique Couto. Welcome, once more, to the extraordinary world of Weekly Spooky. Would you dare to listen?

🎧 LISTEN NOW and subscribe for spine-tingling horror stories every week!

🎉 Unlock exclusive bonus episodes and support the show on Patreon!
👉 WeeklySpooky.com/Join

📬 Contact Us / Submit Your Horror Story!


🎵 Music by Ray Mattis 👉 Check out Ray’s incredible work here !
👨‍💼 Executive Producers: Rob Fields, Bobbletopia.com
🎥 Produced by: Daniel Wilder
🌐 Explore more terrifying tales at: WeeklySpooky.com
WEBVTT

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Hello, my Spookyes, it's your host and narrator Enrique Kuto

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here getting ready to ring in a new year of fear.

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And I want to say thank you so much for

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making twenty twenty four one of the wildest years in

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the podcast. And on a personal note, thank you all

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for making this a much more bearable year. As many

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of you know, I went through a lot of trials

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and tribulations and a lot of loss, but my Spooky

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Spooky family really helped me through. So I want to

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give you one more little gift before on the first

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we unleash a brand new New Year's story just for

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you from our good buddy Mike Eshcuey. So tonight prepare

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yourself for five years of New Year's spookies. Monsters, maniacs, mayhem,

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ghosts and murderers all are covered here tonight. So make

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sure you're subsort bribed on your favorite podcasting app and

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I'll be back here with you next Wednesday with a

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very very special Weekly Spooky to ring in twenty twenty five.

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So get comfortable. Here comes five pieces of terror.

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Even the Devil tells the Truth sometimes by Damn Wilder,

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a weekly spooky or Wiginal.

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The first couple of years, I just went for hookers.

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I figured no one would go looking for those broads anytime. Soon.

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It was simple. While everyone was staring at that big

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stupid ball like a bunch of deer in headlights, I'd

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find my gal taking her down an alley and doing

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them up proper. A happy New Year's for me in theory, anyway,

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The problem is those bitches looked like they were relieved,

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and why wouldn't they be. The knife was just another long,

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hard object painfully crammed inside them, but this one brought

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an end to their filthy existence. Christ it was so

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hard to get excited over that work, but I did

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my best. Damn, I've gotten ahead of myself again. I

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suppose you want to know what makes me tick? Huh, well,

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go fuck yourself, just messing with you. What do you

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want to know? My parents were real pieces of work.

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My dad drank his life away in every pisshole bar

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down by the docks, and my mom sold ass in

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the same I was unplanned, unwanted, and never made to

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forget it. Except none of that hard luck garbage is true.

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I grew up in a nice suburb. Mom was a

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teacher and homemaker. Dad was an accountant. The biggest threat

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to my childhood the fact that I was spoiled, rotten,

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or as spoiled as a middle class brat can be.

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So what made me turn bad? I have no idea.

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See back around seventy six or so, Beating the shit

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out of strangers for no reason was how I got

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my kicks. But little did I know this was gonna

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be the mazzarella stick planter before the egg plant parm

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that is my career these days. Let me tell you. Anyway,

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I'd pulped this cat down Chinatown Way, dig looking for

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any ill gotten gains I could grab. I found some

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sort of amulet in his left pocket, older than my

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aunt Petunia, and expensive too. At least I hoped it

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would be when I went upon it. That would have

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to wait, though, because beating the shit out of a

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man is hungry work. In my stomach, it was ground

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something fierce. Thirty minutes later, I was kicked back in

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my easy chair in my rat trap of an apartment,

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Hamburger grease mixed with thin blood from that rare paddy

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dripping down my arm. That's when I remembered my spoils.

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I reached into my pants pocket and brought out that

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glittering trinket, now covered with slop from my chow. That's

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when that bauble went shiny and hit me with some

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sort of mumbo jumbo magic that sent me sprawling across

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the floor. Things went black for a hot second, but

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when I came to, he was just sitting there on

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top of the giant zenith. Well, I say he, but

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in truth it may have been a she or a

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human shaped lump of clam dip, because no matter how

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hard I stared at this thing, I could never get

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a clear look at it. But I could tell it

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was dressed to the nines and always smiling. What's so funny, pal,

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I asked. That's when the fucker talked directly to my brain.

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And while I can tell you what it said wasn't

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in any language I'd ever heard, I understood every damn word,

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the bit about immortality, the murder biz that would seal

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the bargain one ex woman every midnight on New Year's Eve. Hell,

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the son of a bitch even had a big contract

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for me to sign, like something out of a goddamn

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comic book, And naturally that pen was filled. You guessed,

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it with blood too much, right, So YadA YadA, Lucifer,

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hookers and blood. And here we are New Year's Eve,

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nineteen seventy nine, and it's time for a change. But

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since not a lot of you clowns are familiar with

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my work, let me take you through my nine to

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five if you can pick what I'm laying down. I

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wake up round noonish. See. I set my own hours

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so I can sleep in a real job pert if

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you ask me so, Yeah, shit, shower, shave, fry up

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an egg maybe two for breakfast, orange juice and vodka.

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Then on with the day's business. I cruise the streets

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and it is cold as a witch's tit out here.

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But this involves my work, the three hundred and sixty

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four days. It isn't December thirty. First, I just kind

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of walk around with a heart on and get as

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much attention from the leather boys and hustlers as I can,

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marking in my mind who is where and when? See

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the devil is in the details. Then I take in

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a porno flicker too, grab a dog or a slice,

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then make my way back through the spank bank of earlier.

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I go for the toughest strongest looking I can find.

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Then I punch and kick the ever loving shit out

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of them, rob them, and maybe do the same to

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any tourist unfortunate enough to cross my path, and then

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it's off for a cup of joe. What the hooker

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thing only applies to the killing, and I only do

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that to the ladies once a year to honor that bargain.

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The rest of the year, they just ain't my bag.

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Here's the rub. I don't really give a rats puckered

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pink asshole about the living foreverthing. Who needs that static? No,

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I just I'm just thankful that someone put the notion

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of killing a woman into my thick skull. Most of

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the time, I don't think about dames at all unless

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they're up on that stained silver screen. Plus, it inspired

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me to up my game in the whole inflicting pain

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on my fellow man game that I've been so fond of.

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Practice makes perfect and all that. Besides, who knows if

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that shit would still apply anyway. I hawked that amulet

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the next day for two hundred bucks and a six

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or a bud Where the fuck was I? Oh? Yeah, yeah,

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my day all day every day? So I head home,

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take a shower, believe it or not. Maybe throw in

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a TV dinner, catch some tube you know what really

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tickles my asshole with a feather, grabbing a paper and

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seeing if anyone reports on the shit I do. Hey,

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what can I say? I'm kind of like a gutter narcissist. Hey,

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I went to high school just like everybody else. Anyway,

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those rags never say a peep about me or the

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meat I tend to rise probably never will either. Fuck

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them nighttime more of the same. Really, I work two

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shifts a day, seven days a week, and that's dedication

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no one can match. And I don't even have a

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union or nothing. Now that's January first to December thirtieth.

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But that next day, that's where the shit gets serious.

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I take a little personal time for the most of

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the day, do a bump, maybe rub a few out,

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grab a nice steak from Sizzler for lunch, real self

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care type shit you dig Now, most years I would

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just hang out on the fringes of Times Square looking

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for my mark. But as I said, this year was

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gonna be a big one. So after Sizzler, I got

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a haircut, just gotta look good for this. I yank

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a magazine off the news stand and tear out a

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sample of cologne. I wasn't kidding around here, folks, believe

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you me class all the way. Anyway. I get to

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Times Square early and the one thing you out of

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towners watching from your big comfy couches probably don't realize.

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Motherfuckers line up for this thing hours and hours before

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anything is even going on, just standing in the cold,

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hard street and milling around like fucking zombies or something.

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Don't go away, weekly, spooky, We'll be right back.

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I kick around for a bit, taking a drag on

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a marb here and there. As I look around, I

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have to admit there are some spectacular candidates out there,

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much better than the ridden, hard and put away wet

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flotsam and jetsam of the last few years. A strawberry

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blonde with gigantic tits and braces that catch the now

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setting sun when she flashes big smiles at her friend.

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An equally attractive Spanish chick with the blackest hair I

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have ever seen. You can bet those two are on

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my shit list for sure, but they just ain't the one.

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I continue my search. I see a cute Chinese girl here,

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A sexy socialite there all big ticket scores, for sure,

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but again, I gotta feel this one in my balls.

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Then it hit me, Fuck, it's cold out here. I

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need a coffee, and his fate, if you believe in

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such bullshit, would have it. There was a donut shop

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directly across from me. I went in, ordered a cup

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and took a load off for a tick. Now I

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don't believe in fate, but then again, before a few

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years ago, I never thought his infernal majesty would be

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sitting atop my boob tube pulling the old faust gag.

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So here we are anyway, out of the ladies room,

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she came, looking for all the world like an angel

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in the flesh. Well, little angel, tonight's the night you

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get your wings clipped. I watched her go up to

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the counter in order. The way she moved, I could

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tell she was athletic, but there was more. Was she

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a ballerina gymnast? Damned if I know. But she definitely

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took care of herself, that's for sure. Her hair was

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like spun gold. I liked that it would show the

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blood better once I did the devil's business. Literally Anyway,

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she paid, walked out, and I followed her close, but

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not close enough to look obvious. Dig Yeah, So she

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snaked back through the crowds, the steam from her coffee

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trailing behind her, which was leaving a nice trail for

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me to follow, like that dude going through the minotaur's maze. Damn,

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she was with someone that would complicate things, but nothing

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I can't handle. Just have to think about how to

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get her away from that bozo she's with. That's when

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fortune smiled upon me for the second time that night.

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There was that fool with his clipboard, and you know,

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he was just on a power trip like no other,

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just wandering the crowd, looking for the most photogenic folks

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he could find and moving them right in line with

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the unblinking camera eye that would beam this bullshit into

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homes nationwide. He'd be easy. I dealt with dudes his

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size every ding dong freaking day. Hey, buddy, you know

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that big shot producer running this thing. I noticed the

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lanyard around the hot SHOT's neck. Damn it, Now, where

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did my lanyard go? I really played up looking for

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00:13:49.320 --> 00:13:55.279
it too. Oscar material here for sure? Uh you mean Jim, Yeah, Jim,

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he wants to talk to your ass pronto. Shit probably

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wants to get him a coffee. Can't he see I'm

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trying to make this show special. I mean, look at

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the prime trim. I've picked out what was your name again? Bill?

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I lied first year work in the show. The fol

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was actually buying this crap. Yeah, does it show? I

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pointed to where the lanyard should be and chuckled, Eh,

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you'll be fine. Now where was Jim? This way? Follow me,

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I know a shortcut that'll take us right past this mess.

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The people were becoming packed in like sardines. The roob

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followed me like a lemming, right into the alley, where

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I smashed his fucking head in against the ice covered

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bricks so many times the walls started to steam from

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the sprays of his hot blood that splashed on it

217
00:14:47.559 --> 00:14:53.000
again and again. I grabbed that clowns clipboard and lanyard,

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and I made my way back to where I saw

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my angel last And there she was, just where I

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left her. Time to get the show on the road.

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Excuse me, miss yes, pretty and shy too, jackpot, How

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would you like to come up front and watch the show?

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I work for the network. I pointed to the lanyard

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for emphasis. Oh, I don't know. Then her man actually

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became an accomplice in her pending murder. You have to

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you'll be on TV. But can he come? Sorry, producers

227
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want ladies only. I don't know. No, sweat doll, I'll

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ask somebody else. I turned to walk away, like really

229
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playing it broad. Come on, Miranda, you have to go.

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This is a once in a lifetime kind of thing.

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You don't mind. No, we'll just meet here after the

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ball drops. Uh okay. I extended my arm and she

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took it with a slightly trembling hand. I let her

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on and on a few twists here, a few turns there,

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and before you know it, we arrived at one Times Square,

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and that's where things started to go south for yours cruelly.

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As I brought her closer, Old Miranda got more and

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more nervous, and by the time I showed her my long,

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hard blade, she'd bolted straight for the foyer of that

240
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famous edifice without any hesitation. Mother fucking track and field.

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I should assust that out, two cocky old man, I thought,

242
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as I played wolf to her scared rabbit and gave pursuit.

243
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She'd already roused the half asleep rent a cop that

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now leaped in my path. I flashed him my badge

245
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and mumbled something about some teenager who had mooned the

246
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network's cameras and the dumb bastard. He let me pass

247
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without any hesitation. I saw a quick flash of the

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rabbit as she bolted up the stairway and out of sight.

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Fuck that noise, I was elevator bound. I stopped the

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car a few floors up as the door slid open.

251
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I could see only the back of her shoes as

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she ascended even higher. It did hit me at some

253
00:17:09.160 --> 00:17:11.240
point that if she bothered to notice I was on

254
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the elevator and not running up those damn steps behind her,

255
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that she simply had to go back down the stairs

256
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as I continued going up like a prize winning dumbass.

257
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Oh well, here's to fear making folks make horrible decisions.

258
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My ace in the hole. The elevator hit the top floor,

259
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the door hissed open, and my little bunny was nowhere

260
00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:38.480
to be found. Now, what in the hell is this crap?

261
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I stuck my head out the elevator and whap a

262
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kick right across the chops. Fucking karate two. This kid

263
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:49.359
was full of surprises, that was for sure. Damn she

264
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knocked me right on my ass. Slowly, I stood and

265
00:17:53.559 --> 00:17:56.079
shook my head, trying to get those damn spots and

266
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stars from swirling around in the air. That's when the

267
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breeze hit me, cold as a witch's tit and ten

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times as hard the roof. The bitch had gone out

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onto the roof. With my wits about me once more,

270
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I bolted into the hall and immediately saw the roof

271
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access door wide open. Oh well, I wanted something to

272
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spice things up, and I guess I got my wish,

273
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that's for sure. But god damn if those sullen eyed

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00:18:26.519 --> 00:18:29.720
whorees didn't look real good right about now. Let me

275
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tell you. I emerged onto the roof and immediately got

276
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stung by the biting cold. I need to get this

277
00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:39.759
shit over and get my ass home. Maybe uh, throw

278
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a hungry man in the oven and sip a beer

279
00:18:42.039 --> 00:18:45.799
ten as the Late Late show on spools on WPIX.

280
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That's when I saw her leaning against the framework of

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the tower that would soon send that glittering ball that

282
00:18:53.880 --> 00:18:58.759
illuminated her porcelain puss skyward. I wasted no time and

283
00:18:58.880 --> 00:19:01.839
charged toward her like a. Her eyes grew wide, and

284
00:19:01.880 --> 00:19:05.400
she shimmeied up that tower like grease lightning. Fine, if

285
00:19:05.440 --> 00:19:08.160
that's what it takes, I'm game. As we made it

286
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to the top, I swear to you. With the crowd

287
00:19:09.960 --> 00:19:14.000
below gasped in unison, what would mister and missus America

288
00:19:14.079 --> 00:19:18.640
say at home? Whatever screw those tamed monkeys this year,

289
00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:22.079
We're going off script for the ultimate act of performance art,

290
00:19:22.200 --> 00:19:26.359
and this girl's body it's gonna be my canvas. Finally

291
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:28.839
we made it to the top, and my quarry decided

292
00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:32.039
it was time to engage me in fisticuffs hundreds of

293
00:19:32.079 --> 00:19:36.119
feet above old Manhattan Town. A well landed punch here,

294
00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:39.000
a slice and dice there, and we were almost on

295
00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:42.920
equal footing until that damn ball lifted off and began

296
00:19:43.039 --> 00:19:46.279
heading our way. On and on we battled until that

297
00:19:46.440 --> 00:19:49.759
freaking ball was at our feet, and that is when

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I put my faith in Satan, grabbed that girl by

299
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the throat, and kicked off that tower with superhuman force.

300
00:19:58.119 --> 00:20:01.400
I swear to you, it seemed like we fell forever,

301
00:20:02.119 --> 00:20:06.079
intertwined as lovers. And let me tell you this climax,

302
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:10.599
it was gonna be a gusher. And then all went

303
00:20:10.680 --> 00:20:16.039
black with a moist splat as a soundtrack. I flashed

304
00:20:16.680 --> 00:20:19.319
in and out of consciousness, But I shit you not.

305
00:20:19.960 --> 00:20:24.000
Someone actually said it was beauty that killed the beast.

306
00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:27.599
Like hell, it was I threw us off that tower.

307
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:33.200
Then all went black as midnight for what seemed like forever.

308
00:20:35.079 --> 00:20:40.160
Then I heard a drum growing louder and louder. Turns

309
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:44.559
out it wasn't a drum, but something a little more personal.

310
00:20:44.920 --> 00:20:50.000
I gasped as I woke up in the city morgue,

311
00:20:50.839 --> 00:20:53.920
and as I swung myself off the cold steel table

312
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on which I lay, I thought, Prince of lies my ASTs, Now,

313
00:21:00.519 --> 00:21:20.880
where are my clothes? Satan's Shotgun by Daniel Wilder. I

314
00:21:20.920 --> 00:21:24.599
had a revelation come New Year's Eve of eighteen ninety nine.

315
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:28.880
Jesus ain't nothing I reckon. I could resurrect myself like

316
00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:32.559
a right heavyweight champion long as my boy's bones held out,

317
00:21:32.599 --> 00:21:35.839
that is, But admittedly I couldn't hold a candle to

318
00:21:35.880 --> 00:21:38.839
that water to rotgut routine, and I sure as fuck

319
00:21:39.079 --> 00:21:41.759
couldn't walk on water. And they're sure as shit ain't

320
00:21:41.799 --> 00:21:45.279
any virgins in my vicinity. I guess I truly meant

321
00:21:45.319 --> 00:21:48.519
that coming back from the dead. Wasn't any great shakes.

322
00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:52.480
What brought me to that biddo revelation were the events

323
00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:56.079
of nearly twelve years prior eighteen eighty seven. If you

324
00:21:56.119 --> 00:22:00.440
can cipher the night Gideon Pharaoh's Nightmare Zodiac Death Gang

325
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:05.160
came a knocking. And that's exactly as those hocus pocus

326
00:22:05.160 --> 00:22:09.640
braggarts build themselves too. Nightmare Zodiac Death Gang should have

327
00:22:09.640 --> 00:22:12.160
spent more time practicing with pistols than coming up with

328
00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:16.599
candy ass gang titles. But I digress. You see, I

329
00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:20.240
was a simple man then, farming, maybe a bit of trap,

330
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and not to mention interpreting for the local tribes and

331
00:22:22.680 --> 00:22:25.119
those they caught in to trade with. It wasn't the

332
00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:27.640
high life, but it was good enough for me, Elizabeth,

333
00:22:27.680 --> 00:22:31.319
and our boy Lazarus. That name was a bit of

334
00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:34.599
a on the nose serendipity that the fates served up

335
00:22:34.599 --> 00:22:37.400
to us by and the bye let me tell you true.

336
00:22:37.799 --> 00:22:41.680
And I sure as hell wasn't amused. Weren't eighteen months

337
00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:44.880
after our boy's birth that the sack headed sidewinder Gideon

338
00:22:44.920 --> 00:22:48.039
and his posse arrived on our doorstep and ended his

339
00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:52.680
life and his mama's. But as was their folly. They

340
00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:55.359
never checked if my heart had stopped, and to be fair,

341
00:22:55.440 --> 00:22:57.960
I never asked them why they were so sore with

342
00:22:58.000 --> 00:23:00.880
me and mind. So yeah, mistakes were made all around

343
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:04.519
on that day. So once their devilish deeds were done,

344
00:23:04.799 --> 00:23:07.480
they headed off into the still night with narya thought

345
00:23:07.799 --> 00:23:11.440
of the hell they had borne that day. And still

346
00:23:11.519 --> 00:23:15.640
my heart continued to beat like a native drum, a

347
00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:19.640
doom dirge, banging away to attract any midnight motherfucker within

348
00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:23.400
six hundred and sixty six yards and a track. It

349
00:23:23.559 --> 00:23:27.519
surely did. The shaman entered what remained of our home,

350
00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:31.160
casual as can be. The fully bandaged man. He led

351
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:34.599
on a leash, followed seemingly devoid of thought as well

352
00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:37.599
as grace. He slinked his way over to me like

353
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a mongoose, all sinew and glide, the bones around his

354
00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:44.720
waist clanking together like the gnashing teeth of some desert

355
00:23:44.759 --> 00:23:48.519
devil risen from an unholy hell, ready to feast. As

356
00:23:48.599 --> 00:23:51.680
my eyes strained to focus, I saw that bastard light,

357
00:23:51.720 --> 00:23:54.880
a fire of green flame, a flame he used to

358
00:23:54.960 --> 00:23:57.519
rend the prone form of my boy to ashes and

359
00:23:57.640 --> 00:24:00.000
bone in as much time as it takes to tell,

360
00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:04.200
I admit the darkness took me then, as I was

361
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:07.240
a powerful sight weaker in constitution than I am now,

362
00:24:07.720 --> 00:24:10.680
though I have a dread vision of that bandaged fellow

363
00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:14.039
placing a lipless mouth over my own and blowing a

364
00:24:14.119 --> 00:24:16.599
dust that wreaked a high hell of rock deep into

365
00:24:16.640 --> 00:24:18.680
my lungs that made them feel as if they was

366
00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:23.160
filled with the fire of old Scratch himself. I came

367
00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:26.440
to walking along a trail deep in the nearby Adirondacks,

368
00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:30.799
a foul scented wrapping from the shaman's friend tied tightly

369
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:33.799
around my eyes. While you may get to think and

370
00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:37.799
that would seriously impede my journey, the exact opposite held true.

371
00:24:37.880 --> 00:24:40.240
I could sense where I was going and just where

372
00:24:40.279 --> 00:24:43.160
the first of those I sought were hunkered down. So

373
00:24:43.359 --> 00:24:46.440
onward I trecked my boy's bones rattling, and the leather

374
00:24:46.599 --> 00:24:50.119
sack strapped to my left shoulder. That same rattle let

375
00:24:50.119 --> 00:24:52.599
any man or beast in my path know that I

376
00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:55.000
surely was not to be fucked with. As I began

377
00:24:55.079 --> 00:24:58.960
my stride along Revenge's rough road, I walked those wicked

378
00:24:58.960 --> 00:25:01.240
woods until the sun fell low and the sky was

379
00:25:01.319 --> 00:25:04.440
streaked in hues of lavender and rows. And it was

380
00:25:04.519 --> 00:25:08.039
then I came upon the cabin on New Year's Eve,

381
00:25:08.799 --> 00:25:13.079
painted as it were, in two differing colors, sky blue

382
00:25:13.480 --> 00:25:17.640
and soft pink, the abode of Gemini, two doses of

383
00:25:17.680 --> 00:25:20.960
poison and one pill. The smoke that poured from the

384
00:25:21.000 --> 00:25:24.559
chimney let me know those that needed correcting were home,

385
00:25:24.720 --> 00:25:29.599
sweet home. I didn't stand on formality. The door exploded

386
00:25:29.599 --> 00:25:32.559
inward from the impact of my left shit kicker, splinters

387
00:25:32.599 --> 00:25:35.759
spreading out like buckshot, acting as my calling card. It

388
00:25:35.880 --> 00:25:38.400
took me a fraction of a second to realize no

389
00:25:38.440 --> 00:25:41.440
one was visible in the room magic eyewear or no.

390
00:25:42.119 --> 00:25:45.880
But I could smell them just fine. Naturally, they didn't

391
00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:48.599
surprise me none when they exploded from the shadows of

392
00:25:48.599 --> 00:25:51.839
the cabin's ceiling. However, the fact that they could move

393
00:25:51.880 --> 00:25:54.920
together like a great spider in their conjoined state definitely

394
00:25:55.559 --> 00:25:59.119
raised an eyebrow. I unloaded my rifle with a thunderous roar.

395
00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:01.400
The shot tore it nice chunk of whatever the lady

396
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:03.720
side of this thing was called, But she wasn't going

397
00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:06.359
down by a long shot. Before I knew it, the

398
00:26:06.359 --> 00:26:08.799
male side of the equation had maneuvered himself in such

399
00:26:08.799 --> 00:26:10.599
a way that he both knocked me to the ground

400
00:26:10.680 --> 00:26:12.720
and managed to wrap the fleshy band that kept these

401
00:26:12.759 --> 00:26:16.359
two eternally bound around my neck. That same bit of

402
00:26:16.400 --> 00:26:19.440
flesh began flexing and throbbing until I couldn't draw a breath.

403
00:26:19.759 --> 00:26:22.920
The various veins and sinew contained under that warm sleeve

404
00:26:23.000 --> 00:26:26.759
pulsing like a bag of snakes. Things began swirling and

405
00:26:26.799 --> 00:26:30.319
growing ever darker. That's when I died for the first time.

406
00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:34.559
The shaman appeared shortly thereafter, though my enemies never noticed,

407
00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:37.920
although if they did, I wager they'd have been confused

408
00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:41.319
as all get out. See that fella simply strolled in,

409
00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:45.960
leaned low, and whispered in my ear. He was a bone.

410
00:26:46.920 --> 00:26:49.079
I didn't quite gather what he was on about, but

411
00:26:49.119 --> 00:26:51.640
it seemed like a question I should answer in the affirmative.

412
00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:54.559
He reached into my rucksack, pulled out one of the

413
00:26:54.559 --> 00:26:57.400
twelve bones of my boy that clattered inside, and shoved

414
00:26:57.400 --> 00:27:00.680
that room covered ivory femur right in my mouth. It

415
00:27:00.759 --> 00:27:04.160
dissolved on contact with my tongue, and I was back

416
00:27:04.240 --> 00:27:08.480
in business. I sat up, puked and roared at my killers,

417
00:27:08.519 --> 00:27:10.880
who had now sat down to a nice warm meal

418
00:27:10.960 --> 00:27:14.240
after their deed was done. What I did next would

419
00:27:14.279 --> 00:27:17.720
become a bit of a legend. See, I grabbed the

420
00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:20.039
steak knife out of the hand of the twin closest

421
00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:23.640
to me, who honestly didn't even resist, probably the shock

422
00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:27.200
of a corpse interrupting his din din. Anyway, I took

423
00:27:27.240 --> 00:27:29.960
that blade and commenced to slice that ribbon that held

424
00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:33.000
them together like a rabid wolf. But then I had

425
00:27:33.000 --> 00:27:36.920
a pang of conscience. These two had been together since

426
00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:39.480
day one, so it would be a shame to take

427
00:27:39.519 --> 00:27:42.839
that away from them. Fortunately I learned to sew at

428
00:27:42.839 --> 00:27:46.960
a tender age. I can only imagine the look on

429
00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:50.319
Gideon's face when he saw one or two, not sure

430
00:27:50.359 --> 00:27:53.599
how they counted themselves anyway, saw a member of his

431
00:27:53.759 --> 00:27:57.599
posse fixed mouth to crotch of their opposite number, like

432
00:27:57.640 --> 00:28:00.359
those yin yang symbols the Chinese fellas out we were

433
00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:03.240
so fond of, And imagine it would have to be

434
00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:05.880
as Once my work was done, I sunk into the

435
00:28:05.960 --> 00:28:10.039
earth outside the Gemini's doorstep, and there I slept for

436
00:28:10.119 --> 00:28:17.720
a full year, And so it went. At the very

437
00:28:17.799 --> 00:28:20.039
end of each and every year, I'd rise up and

438
00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:24.519
put a murder on one of those psychos Pisces hard

439
00:28:24.559 --> 00:28:28.519
to breathe with concrete in your gills. Taurus, Let's just

440
00:28:28.599 --> 00:28:31.079
say he wasn't just a bull from the shoulders up.

441
00:28:31.400 --> 00:28:33.799
But that would be his undoing when I rammed that

442
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:39.359
tally whacker straight down his throat. Aries Leo Cancer, Sagittarius,

443
00:28:39.480 --> 00:28:45.200
Virgo Libra, Capricorn, Aquarius, dead dead dead dead dead dead

444
00:28:45.400 --> 00:28:50.440
dead and double dead. Don't ask. Year after year I fought,

445
00:28:50.519 --> 00:28:52.920
and year after year I lost a little bit more

446
00:28:52.960 --> 00:29:01.960
of my boy. Peace by peace fine, I came to Scorpio.

447
00:29:02.519 --> 00:29:05.200
And if you think the other menagerie made for a

448
00:29:05.240 --> 00:29:07.839
one of a kind corpse gallery, I can assure you

449
00:29:07.880 --> 00:29:11.559
all that that final member of that gang minus their

450
00:29:11.640 --> 00:29:14.079
ring master. But I'll get to his arcane ass and

451
00:29:14.119 --> 00:29:17.160
a tip. See after the decade and change of carnival

452
00:29:17.160 --> 00:29:19.759
exhibits i'd tussled with, I wouldn't blame you none. If

453
00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:22.319
you wagered Scorpio would be some kind of insect man.

454
00:29:22.440 --> 00:29:25.599
But it wasn't Hell. It wasn't even a man, as

455
00:29:25.640 --> 00:29:28.440
you could guess from the hiring of those darling siblings

456
00:29:28.440 --> 00:29:31.880
I jawed about earlier. Gideon didn't give a single shit

457
00:29:32.039 --> 00:29:34.359
if those that worked for him were men or women,

458
00:29:34.759 --> 00:29:37.160
a real rarity as far as evil posses went. In

459
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:40.599
the late eighteen hundreds. Of course, half those motherfuckers would

460
00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:43.480
be a right challenge to even classify as human. When

461
00:29:43.519 --> 00:29:46.920
I sauntered up to that gypsy wagon Lady Scorpio called home,

462
00:29:47.160 --> 00:29:49.000
I could just tell I was in for a hell

463
00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:52.200
of a time. The scent of burning herbs filled the air,

464
00:29:52.359 --> 00:29:55.920
and the roaring flame burning brightly beside the gaudy wagon

465
00:29:56.039 --> 00:29:58.599
was doing a solid job of roasting a large pheasant.

466
00:29:59.160 --> 00:30:02.119
I hunkered down by the fire. It always feels good

467
00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:04.640
to warm my hands after pointing my boots toward the

468
00:30:04.680 --> 00:30:08.759
sky for twelve months. The lavender and crimson curtains that

469
00:30:08.839 --> 00:30:12.119
covered the entrance to the wagon parted, and she appeared,

470
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:14.960
a raven haired beauty with eyes as cruel and cold

471
00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:18.759
then as a whole nest of vipers could possess. I

472
00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:22.920
told guineaon doing your wife and boy was a grave mistake. Well,

473
00:30:23.720 --> 00:30:27.240
it's a mistake that will surely put you in your grave, Missy.

474
00:30:28.400 --> 00:30:32.680
More scarce to come weekly. Spooky will be right back,

475
00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:35.880
she laughed.

476
00:30:35.559 --> 00:30:38.359
And I had to admit it was an unbelievably delicate thing.

477
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:41.839
If that is to be my fate, there is little

478
00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:45.599
I can do to change it. I spit at her feet. Yep,

479
00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:50.119
won't you come inside a moment. It's your funeral. You

480
00:30:50.160 --> 00:30:52.799
can have it any way you want. I entered the

481
00:30:52.799 --> 00:30:56.519
wagon and beheld the interior, which contained nothing save for

482
00:30:56.599 --> 00:31:00.039
an opulent bed. I sat down and waited for the

483
00:30:59.880 --> 00:31:03.240
show to start. She slid into the bed beside me,

484
00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:05.480
pushed me down, and started to rub up against me

485
00:31:05.559 --> 00:31:08.759
all feline like. I grabbed her hair, tugged it hard,

486
00:31:08.799 --> 00:31:11.000
and whispered the most romantic thing I could think of

487
00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:15.960
into her ear. This is for Lizabeth. I drove the

488
00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:17.920
blade of the hunting knife through the back of her head.

489
00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:19.839
Before she could even realize I had pulled it from

490
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:23.480
my left boot. She made that weird gargle, whistling, exhale

491
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:26.240
thing that you never really got used to. Then the

492
00:31:26.319 --> 00:31:31.440
light and those big brown eyes went dim. Should have

493
00:31:31.480 --> 00:31:34.880
started with this one. I managed to remove my knife

494
00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:36.599
from her skull and kick her ass right out of

495
00:31:36.599 --> 00:31:39.839
the wagon in a near seamless movement. I heard her

496
00:31:39.920 --> 00:31:45.079
hit the ground and then splash her skin flew through

497
00:31:45.079 --> 00:31:47.279
the curtains and collided with the far wall of the

498
00:31:47.279 --> 00:31:50.079
wagon with a sickening sound akin to pig in herds

499
00:31:50.119 --> 00:31:54.599
being thrown at a whorehouse. Ah here we go, I said,

500
00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:58.680
as the giant scorpion clickety clack through the entryway. The

501
00:31:58.759 --> 00:32:01.640
odd thing about this scorpion as it had a great

502
00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:05.000
set of breasts and a tail equipped with a rather

503
00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:08.640
rainery looking cock where the poisonous sting should have rested.

504
00:32:09.640 --> 00:32:12.119
I'm going to fuck you one way or another. Lover

505
00:32:12.680 --> 00:32:15.480
to be spat from a mouthful of spearlike teeth and

506
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:19.559
bad intentions. Get in lines, sister. I drew my iron

507
00:32:19.599 --> 00:32:22.359
and unloaded on that nightmare with barrel of blazon. That

508
00:32:22.519 --> 00:32:25.279
damn tail whipped at me again and again. His scorpio's

509
00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:27.759
face looked like a vat of prize winning chili, and

510
00:32:27.799 --> 00:32:30.640
to my horror, the loads that appended shot were some

511
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:33.920
sort of vile acid. While the walls of the wagon

512
00:32:33.960 --> 00:32:38.160
began to dissolve, the bitch stopped or bucking' well, fuck me, silly,

513
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:41.240
I didn't die this go around. I wonder if I'll

514
00:32:41.279 --> 00:32:45.000
still take a dirt nap yep, I said, as I

515
00:32:45.079 --> 00:32:49.960
folded into the cold earth For the first time in years,

516
00:32:50.519 --> 00:32:56.200
I dreamed. I saw my family, the unspeakable terror life

517
00:32:56.200 --> 00:32:59.359
had become the soul crushing scream into the abyss I'd

518
00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:01.559
make year after after year as I was reborn to

519
00:33:01.599 --> 00:33:05.119
put down one monster after another. And I saw that

520
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:09.440
burlap headed bastard that had made this all so. And

521
00:33:09.480 --> 00:33:14.240
I saw children, unfamiliar, children with their faces tinted a

522
00:33:14.279 --> 00:33:17.680
glowing blue, the exact same hue of which I had

523
00:33:17.720 --> 00:33:23.519
never seen the like of before. Guess what day it is?

524
00:33:24.279 --> 00:33:26.839
That's right, the day I end the life of that

525
00:33:27.000 --> 00:33:30.400
masked son of a bitch and finally rest in peace.

526
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:35.200
That's the theory anyway. The morning of New Year's Eve

527
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:39.960
eighteen ninety nine, I had that Jesus thought I mentioned

528
00:33:39.960 --> 00:33:42.839
at the start of this yarn, and I found myself

529
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:47.400
wandering the streets of old Manhattan Town, beastly bandages in place.

530
00:33:48.240 --> 00:33:52.279
Everything was cold, gray, until I got that unholy vision

531
00:33:52.279 --> 00:33:55.720
that Gideon was well and truly a man about town,

532
00:33:56.079 --> 00:34:00.119
though he wore a false human face over his rough mass.

533
00:34:00.759 --> 00:34:03.440
I followed him around a pace, but he seemed to

534
00:34:03.440 --> 00:34:06.960
make stops at random, and although he made no indication

535
00:34:07.079 --> 00:34:10.760
that he knew I was there. I knew, damn well

536
00:34:11.239 --> 00:34:14.519
he did. Finally he got the drop on me after

537
00:34:14.559 --> 00:34:19.400
a rather well executed disappearing act in the bowery. Let's

538
00:34:19.480 --> 00:34:23.119
retire to my residence and talk this through a dead man,

539
00:34:23.679 --> 00:34:32.800
he purred. Yep, I answered. We entered the luxurious townhouse

540
00:34:32.840 --> 00:34:38.280
Gideon called home. Please relax, Gideon said, gesturing to an

541
00:34:38.400 --> 00:34:42.639
array of sofas and chairs that festooned his abode. I

542
00:34:42.679 --> 00:34:45.400
took a load off on a nearby Persian rug. That

543
00:34:45.559 --> 00:34:48.719
furniture was doubtless cursed and would spell my doom if

544
00:34:48.719 --> 00:34:51.599
I dare put my ass upon it. Are you a

545
00:34:51.639 --> 00:34:56.760
gambling man, he asked, Not by nature, no I am,

546
00:34:56.840 --> 00:34:59.360
And if I had to play my hand, I would wager.

547
00:34:59.400 --> 00:35:02.039
You want to know why I chose you and your

548
00:35:02.119 --> 00:35:05.400
kin to slaughter. The thought had crossed my mind a

549
00:35:05.480 --> 00:35:10.239
time or two. If I'm to be honest, I answered, true.

550
00:35:10.320 --> 00:35:12.480
I had heard that if you do someone a cosmic

551
00:35:12.559 --> 00:35:16.599
level injustice, like a random killing, for instance, then powerful

552
00:35:16.639 --> 00:35:19.480
magic is revealed to those willing to travel a dark path.

553
00:35:20.440 --> 00:35:24.920
You heard rightly, he gestured toward my rucksack. The magic

554
00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:30.960
my son, your son became the rarest of magics. You

555
00:35:31.000 --> 00:35:34.760
should be kissing my feet for this gift. I see

556
00:35:34.760 --> 00:35:39.320
it a tad different, I wager you do. Nevertheless, my

557
00:35:39.400 --> 00:35:42.960
theory was correct. Nevertheless, you should have listened to your pet,

558
00:35:43.039 --> 00:35:46.639
bug Scorpio. She was always the most in tune of

559
00:35:46.639 --> 00:35:52.480
my menagerie. Was is the operative word. I care little

560
00:35:52.519 --> 00:35:57.840
that you killed any of those sideshow attractions. You're all heart, No,

561
00:35:58.840 --> 00:36:04.679
I'm all business. How so I queried, Let's say you

562
00:36:04.800 --> 00:36:07.599
give me that last bone in your sack, and I'd

563
00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:09.519
let you walk out of here and live a long

564
00:36:09.679 --> 00:36:14.760
and happy life. Let's say I do. What does that

565
00:36:14.920 --> 00:36:18.960
give me? An eternity without those I love, those you

566
00:36:19.079 --> 00:36:23.960
took from me. True, but a life is a life.

567
00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:26.920
I thought on this a spell, and I had me

568
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:32.639
a revelation. Hold on, you'll see fine, you want the bone?

569
00:36:33.280 --> 00:36:36.440
Here it is. I removed my son's skull from the

570
00:36:36.519 --> 00:36:40.599
sack and held it up for that snake to see. Glorious,

571
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:44.719
please let me hold it. The shaman spoke into my

572
00:36:44.800 --> 00:36:49.159
ear for the last time. I nodded. I tossed my

573
00:36:49.239 --> 00:36:52.760
boy's skull to Gideon, and as that bone grew ever closer,

574
00:36:52.800 --> 00:36:55.960
I drew my pistol and fired the skull exploded. When

575
00:36:55.960 --> 00:36:58.800
the bullet hit the bone, the shaman laughed. His Egyptian

576
00:36:58.840 --> 00:37:05.719
pal laughed Gideon, however. Gideon, however, did most assuredly not laugh.

577
00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:09.159
The shards of the skull became missiles and pierced Gideon's

578
00:37:09.159 --> 00:37:12.280
mask in one hundred razor sharp volleys. He did that

579
00:37:12.440 --> 00:37:17.400
gargle thing and fell like a sack of potatoes. That's that, then,

580
00:37:18.199 --> 00:37:22.599
I said, I waited for some sort of cosmic redemption.

581
00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:26.039
Would I stand before my family once more? Would I

582
00:37:26.079 --> 00:37:30.840
finally be able to rest? A glowing letter a appeared

583
00:37:30.840 --> 00:37:35.719
in the sky. A glowing s followed it, and another

584
00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:41.679
s ass. Real cute, I thought, as I finally succumbed

585
00:37:42.000 --> 00:37:49.119
to the darkness. Brent laughed ass classic. Yeah, man, this

586
00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:52.119
game is so easy if you have enough quarters, Todd said,

587
00:37:52.559 --> 00:37:56.159
I've beaten it like a hundred times. The duo walked

588
00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:59.480
away from the cabinet as the attract screen of Satan's

589
00:37:59.480 --> 00:38:03.480
shotgun called out to the next player, and Elizabeth and

590
00:38:03.599 --> 00:38:15.159
Lazarus died anew a few cold Ones by David o'han.

591
00:38:15.320 --> 00:38:19.400
Woman The Man stood alone in the parking lot, watching

592
00:38:19.480 --> 00:38:22.840
a chip bag roll like a tumbleweed. Across the asphalt.

593
00:38:23.559 --> 00:38:27.880
The abandoned Kmart no longer held any of its corporate branding.

594
00:38:28.440 --> 00:38:32.000
The moss and mildew speckled bricks were covered in graffiti

595
00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:36.400
and the windows glazed over with years of grime. The

596
00:38:36.480 --> 00:38:39.599
man pulled his gown up in a bunch and aimed

597
00:38:39.599 --> 00:38:44.159
at the graffiti, relieving himself between a proclamation of love

598
00:38:44.920 --> 00:38:49.239
and a smiley face. The stream slapped against the brickwork

599
00:38:49.400 --> 00:38:54.199
and splattered the toes of his filthy hospital slippers. He groaned.

600
00:38:54.920 --> 00:38:57.079
He needed to get real clothes if he was going

601
00:38:57.119 --> 00:39:01.679
to enjoy his self awarded release from the Cerletti Institute.

602
00:39:02.159 --> 00:39:06.119
Kmart had always been his favorite store. The long shifts

603
00:39:06.119 --> 00:39:08.679
at the poultry plant sapped most of the joy from

604
00:39:08.679 --> 00:39:14.519
his life. Then he discovered this particular store. Every Sunday,

605
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:17.000
he set the tone for the week by coming in

606
00:39:17.079 --> 00:39:21.119
to get all his essentials, enjoy the hospitality, and visit

607
00:39:21.239 --> 00:39:27.760
with the employees, especially Diane. He scratched at the fat

608
00:39:27.800 --> 00:39:31.280
scar between the silver waves of hair. He would never

609
00:39:31.360 --> 00:39:36.480
forget his first love. He was sure she hadn't forgotten him.

610
00:39:37.599 --> 00:39:39.639
He'd see if he could find her once he got

611
00:39:39.679 --> 00:39:45.159
himself together. Whispers from inside snapped his mind back to

612
00:39:45.239 --> 00:39:48.440
the present and curled his lips in a malevolent smile

613
00:39:48.559 --> 00:39:52.320
that spread like a tearing wound. He leaned his face

614
00:39:52.440 --> 00:39:56.440
close to a fist size hole in the window. Nothing

615
00:39:56.559 --> 00:40:01.199
was stirring between the leftover shelves and racks. A camera

616
00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:04.480
flash lit a corner of the store. The sudden illumination

617
00:40:04.639 --> 00:40:07.960
left dots flickering in his vision, but for the briefest

618
00:40:08.079 --> 00:40:12.960
moment he saw the two urban explorers reflected in a

619
00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:17.480
spider webbed mirror. He covered his mouth to hide his giggling.

620
00:40:18.559 --> 00:40:22.119
Kmart was still the best place to do his shopping.

621
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:28.920
Brew Year's Eve is about more than just busty beer

622
00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:32.440
wenches and dollar pints, Darren said, with a swing of

623
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:35.639
his arm that splashed beer from his glass and onto

624
00:40:35.679 --> 00:40:39.119
his shoes. It's about the resilience of the American people

625
00:40:39.159 --> 00:40:43.840
in the face of puritanical religious fervor. Maggie Mills rolled

626
00:40:43.880 --> 00:40:47.400
her eyes. It's about getting drunk off your ass at

627
00:40:47.440 --> 00:40:50.440
the Florida Georgia Line and belching your ABC's with the

628
00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:54.079
other Neanderthals. I can make it all the way to oh,

629
00:40:54.880 --> 00:41:00.480
Darren chortled. Brew Year's Eve was Oklahoma's largest beer festival.

630
00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:04.559
Its exponential growth and one of a kind setting attracted

631
00:41:04.559 --> 00:41:09.559
beer connoisseurs from across the country. Three thousand attendees meandered

632
00:41:09.599 --> 00:41:13.079
the grounds of the Old Springer Hotel. Short bursts of

633
00:41:13.159 --> 00:41:17.559
fireworks detonated overhead every hour in a countdown to the

634
00:41:17.639 --> 00:41:21.639
new year. Local bands cycled on and off the grand

635
00:41:21.719 --> 00:41:23.920
stage to the east of the building to get the

636
00:41:23.960 --> 00:41:28.199
crowd fired up for the headliners. How Love Rocket was

637
00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:31.079
still riding the success of their nineteen eighty six hit

638
00:41:31.400 --> 00:41:35.920
Sweet Cream was anyone's guess, but their appearance added another

639
00:41:36.039 --> 00:41:41.039
fifty dollars to the already steep admission price. Vendor tents

640
00:41:41.159 --> 00:41:44.719
lined the manicured western yard with an assortment of wares

641
00:41:44.719 --> 00:41:48.719
that rivaled most malls. On the south lawn, party goers

642
00:41:48.800 --> 00:41:51.960
gambled on carnival games for a chance to win cash

643
00:41:52.159 --> 00:41:55.679
and prizes. The northern sprawl directly in front of the

644
00:41:55.719 --> 00:41:59.199
hotel was a smoky haze of mingling scents from the

645
00:41:59.320 --> 00:42:02.920
rows of food trucks and between them and the entrance.

646
00:42:03.239 --> 00:42:07.840
The hotel's ornate fountain featured Poseidon rising from a tower

647
00:42:07.880 --> 00:42:11.880
of logger, spewing sea life with his trident thrusting into

648
00:42:11.920 --> 00:42:15.639
the sky. Beneath the watchful eye of stained glass rose

649
00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:21.880
windows six stories overhead, two hundred scantily clad serving girls

650
00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:26.039
gracefully prowled through the sea of people with trays of beer,

651
00:42:26.440 --> 00:42:29.079
and then quickly sprinted back to the dressing room to

652
00:42:29.119 --> 00:42:33.119
empty the tips from their haltertops before making another round.

653
00:42:33.760 --> 00:42:38.159
Look around you, Maggie, this is historical. Darren spread his

654
00:42:38.400 --> 00:42:42.159
arms wide. At the backdrop of the once lavish hotel.

655
00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:46.440
A vinyl banner fluttered in the chill breeze over its doors.

656
00:42:47.159 --> 00:42:51.800
Happy brew Year from Okay Brewing. The name's ok but

657
00:42:51.920 --> 00:42:57.800
the beer is legendary. Darren's right. For once Maggie's boyfriend

658
00:42:57.840 --> 00:43:01.320
Carlton put an arm around her waist. These guys did

659
00:43:01.320 --> 00:43:06.119
something really amazing here is that? So Maggie held his

660
00:43:06.239 --> 00:43:09.440
chin in place as one of the wenches bounced past them.

661
00:43:09.800 --> 00:43:12.760
And what could be more amazing than all this cleavage

662
00:43:13.039 --> 00:43:18.639
and sheep beer? Maggie's best friend and Darren's girlfriend, Karen, giggled.

663
00:43:19.400 --> 00:43:22.760
We're in the Springer Hotel, Darren said, matter of factly.

664
00:43:23.480 --> 00:43:28.840
Maggie shrugged, and Carlton held up a finger. How about

665
00:43:28.880 --> 00:43:32.920
I show you the other three followed him through the crowd.

666
00:43:33.440 --> 00:43:36.320
They rounded the beer fountain and went to the main entrance,

667
00:43:36.320 --> 00:43:40.599
where Carlton slapped the brickwork. A series of pock marks

668
00:43:40.679 --> 00:43:44.360
dotted the facade, beside a bronze plaque emblazoned with the

669
00:43:44.440 --> 00:43:49.480
name Carlton pointed to the food vendors. On this night

670
00:43:49.960 --> 00:43:54.559
in nineteen thirty one, sixty prohibition agents, led by two

671
00:43:54.639 --> 00:43:58.760
gun Heart pulled up where those trucks are now? He said.

672
00:43:59.480 --> 00:44:04.320
The Spring Hotel refused to acknowledge prohibition. Everyone knew it,

673
00:44:04.519 --> 00:44:08.280
but no one wanted to risk the wrath of Farrell Springer.

674
00:44:08.800 --> 00:44:13.039
But Hart was al Capone's big brother. Darren interrupted, and

675
00:44:13.159 --> 00:44:19.960
brass balls are genetic, So what happened? Karen moved closer

676
00:44:20.039 --> 00:44:23.480
to hear over the crowd. Farrell stepped out the front

677
00:44:23.480 --> 00:44:26.639
door and shouted, if you're coming in, it's drinks for

678
00:44:26.719 --> 00:44:30.519
a dollar or lead for free. Carlton whipped his hand

679
00:44:30.599 --> 00:44:33.760
up with his fingers, making a gun, and then he

680
00:44:33.960 --> 00:44:38.239
fired a single shot, taking the hat right off Heart's head.

681
00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:42.320
Maggie poked a finger into a bullet hole and they

682
00:44:42.440 --> 00:44:48.199
returned fire. Boy did they? Darren said? The barrage killed

683
00:44:48.199 --> 00:44:52.480
Farrell and three bystanders in the lobby. The guests started

684
00:44:52.480 --> 00:44:56.519
pulling guns and the hotel became a battleground. Carlton jerked

685
00:44:56.519 --> 00:45:00.639
his head to the door and they continued inside. People

686
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:04.280
died in the shootout, and a store of moonshine caught fire,

687
00:45:04.760 --> 00:45:08.440
killing six more and destroying the west wing. It was

688
00:45:08.519 --> 00:45:12.079
the largest mass killing in the history of Carpenter County.

689
00:45:12.639 --> 00:45:17.480
Darren added, barely. Otis Kilgore's Christmas party only missed the

690
00:45:17.559 --> 00:45:21.599
mark by one. Carlton said with a snicker. He snapped

691
00:45:21.639 --> 00:45:25.559
his fingers and smiled wide. Did you hear Netflix is

692
00:45:25.599 --> 00:45:28.239
doing a movie about Otis? I hope they get Kevin

693
00:45:28.280 --> 00:45:32.440
Smith to play him. Carlton laughed, that'd be a riot.

694
00:45:32.800 --> 00:45:35.840
My babysitter used to tell me Otis would come and

695
00:45:35.920 --> 00:45:39.079
get me if I didn't listen to her. Karen mused,

696
00:45:39.760 --> 00:45:43.679
who tells a six year old that most of the

697
00:45:43.719 --> 00:45:49.320
babysitters in Ittawa? Darren shrugged. Maggie sneered and nodded in agreement,

698
00:45:49.880 --> 00:45:54.360
remembering her own sitter's warnings. The couples made their way

699
00:45:54.400 --> 00:45:57.480
through the lobby and up the wide staircase between its

700
00:45:57.519 --> 00:46:01.920
hand carved rails In ninety three, Okay bought the hotel

701
00:46:01.960 --> 00:46:04.880
and started restoring it for their headquarters as a slap

702
00:46:04.920 --> 00:46:08.480
in the face to the prohibition days. The top two

703
00:46:08.480 --> 00:46:11.400
floors make up their offices, and they built their brewing

704
00:46:11.440 --> 00:46:15.000
facility on the ruins of the west wing. Carlton laughed,

705
00:46:15.400 --> 00:46:17.760
you can't tell me that's not the coolest story in

706
00:46:17.800 --> 00:46:21.920
the world. Maggie leaned on the banister and watched the

707
00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:25.320
crowd in the lobby. What about the other three floors

708
00:46:26.000 --> 00:46:29.159
haunted as shit? Darren chugged the rest of his beer

709
00:46:29.440 --> 00:46:33.920
and whistled for a server. Yep. Carlton added, They renovated

710
00:46:33.920 --> 00:46:36.400
the rooms and rent them out as a tourist attraction.

711
00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:41.639
Everyone that's ever stayed here claims they saw weird things.

712
00:46:42.559 --> 00:46:46.039
Maggie lifted the festival pass hanging from the lanyard around

713
00:46:46.079 --> 00:46:49.320
her neck with a room key, and we're spending the

714
00:46:49.400 --> 00:46:53.599
night with the ghosts and the drunks. What could go wrong?

715
00:46:54.519 --> 00:46:59.400
A maniacal shrill guffaw answered, and Carlton spun in a start.

716
00:46:59.719 --> 00:47:02.679
His hand swiped the glass from the giggling guest's hand

717
00:47:02.719 --> 00:47:07.400
on accident, and splashed the contents across Karen's blouse. The

718
00:47:07.400 --> 00:47:11.400
sheer material clung to her, revealing the bare breasts beneath.

719
00:47:11.920 --> 00:47:15.320
She screamed at the icy shock of IPA and then

720
00:47:15.440 --> 00:47:19.360
covered up in embarrassment. Her free hand slapped the partygoer's

721
00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:23.599
cheek on reflex. The wide grin melted from the man's

722
00:47:23.599 --> 00:47:27.039
weathered face as the red handprint formed in its stead.

723
00:47:27.800 --> 00:47:30.360
He picked up the plastic pint glass from the floor

724
00:47:30.639 --> 00:47:34.400
and twisted it between his fingers, Glaring at Karen through it.

725
00:47:35.039 --> 00:47:39.440
He pressed the rim into Carlton's chest. Ain't that something?

726
00:47:40.159 --> 00:47:43.320
Not even a crack? He giggled again, in a pitch

727
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:48.000
that betrayed his stocky build. Yeah, lots of new things

728
00:47:48.039 --> 00:47:52.440
in the world. Huh, Carlton cleared his throat. Seriously, sorry

729
00:47:52.440 --> 00:47:56.920
about that, though, No sense crying over spilled hooch, the

730
00:47:57.000 --> 00:48:00.760
man said with a chuckle, before turning to Karen. And

731
00:48:00.920 --> 00:48:04.599
you shouldn't be so quick to hide such wonderful tits.

732
00:48:05.320 --> 00:48:07.519
At least let an old man earn the smack he

733
00:48:07.639 --> 00:48:11.480
gave him. He licked his plump lips. What the fuck

734
00:48:11.519 --> 00:48:14.239
did you say? Darren grabbed the back of the man's

735
00:48:14.239 --> 00:48:17.920
shirt and slung him to the wall. Darren, take it easy,

736
00:48:18.360 --> 00:48:22.199
Carlton called out. He took a step forward, fists clenched

737
00:48:22.199 --> 00:48:26.039
and ready to defend Karen's honor. When a walking refrigerator

738
00:48:26.039 --> 00:48:29.360
whisked between them like a leaf on a breeze, Darren's

739
00:48:29.400 --> 00:48:33.280
face bounced off a muscular chest. The security guard glared

740
00:48:33.320 --> 00:48:36.239
down at Darren and growled for him to be cool.

741
00:48:36.840 --> 00:48:39.920
That high pitched giggle pierced the crowd again, and the

742
00:48:39.960 --> 00:48:43.159
guard turned to give the man the same warning. The

743
00:48:43.280 --> 00:48:47.159
goliath pressed his finger into the man's chest. I don't

744
00:48:47.199 --> 00:48:51.000
see a pass around your neck, he grumbled. The man

745
00:48:51.079 --> 00:48:54.119
giggled again and made a show of padding down his

746
00:48:54.199 --> 00:48:57.559
own torso. I seem to have set it down somewhere,

747
00:48:58.159 --> 00:49:01.119
he scratched at the Barren's stretch of flesh where the

748
00:49:01.159 --> 00:49:04.360
scar created a second part in his hair. I'll bet

749
00:49:04.400 --> 00:49:06.400
I left it in the restroom, if you'd like to

750
00:49:06.559 --> 00:49:10.039
escort me to retrieve it. The security guard clamped his

751
00:49:10.079 --> 00:49:12.920
hand on the back of Giggle's neck and led him away.

752
00:49:13.599 --> 00:49:16.800
I think I'll do just that, pal, What in the

753
00:49:16.960 --> 00:49:21.719
actual fuck? Darren shook his head. Just some harmless old goon.

754
00:49:22.199 --> 00:49:25.639
Carlton said, come on, Karen, let's go to your room

755
00:49:25.639 --> 00:49:28.519
and get you cleaned up. Maggie hooked her arm through

756
00:49:28.599 --> 00:49:32.599
Karen's and turned to Carlton. She kissed his cheek. We'll

757
00:49:32.639 --> 00:49:35.480
meet you two at the bar. I came for the fireworks,

758
00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:38.840
not to watch you to get into a drunken brawl. Behave?

759
00:49:46.159 --> 00:49:48.639
Did you hear that? Better check the locks on your

760
00:49:48.679 --> 00:49:52.199
doors weekly, spooky, We'll be right back.

761
00:49:53.920 --> 00:49:58.239
You sure this is the bathroom you used? The guard grunted, Oh, yes,

762
00:49:58.320 --> 00:50:01.320
I'm positive of it. The man smoothed his hair in

763
00:50:01.360 --> 00:50:04.280
the mirror. I suppose it's possible I left it in

764
00:50:04.320 --> 00:50:08.960
my room. However, what's your name? The guard unclipped his radio.

765
00:50:09.559 --> 00:50:12.599
I'll go have someone check for it. The man chewed

766
00:50:12.599 --> 00:50:17.119
his bottom lip, tittering excitedly. The hell is your deal? Man?

767
00:50:17.440 --> 00:50:22.320
Ain't nothing funny about that? My name's Otis, he cackled,

768
00:50:22.360 --> 00:50:25.639
suddenly making the guard jump. He tucked his hands in

769
00:50:25.679 --> 00:50:29.000
his pockets and looked around the bathroom. Can you stop

770
00:50:29.039 --> 00:50:31.280
being creepy as shit long enough to tell me your

771
00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:37.599
last name too? It's kill Gore? Otis kill Gore? Otis?

772
00:50:37.639 --> 00:50:41.239
Straightened up? All right, Otis? The guard raised the radio

773
00:50:41.280 --> 00:50:45.599
and paused, Hey, wasn't that the guy that killed all.

774
00:50:47.360 --> 00:50:49.920
The blade jabbed into the crevice of his hip, and

775
00:50:49.960 --> 00:50:52.800
then glided up his body and threw the thick cords

776
00:50:52.800 --> 00:50:55.599
of his neck. Otis pumped the pocket knife into his

777
00:50:55.719 --> 00:50:59.280
kidney and lung before the giant batted him away. Otis

778
00:50:59.400 --> 00:51:02.280
crashed through the stall door and landed on a toilet.

779
00:51:02.840 --> 00:51:06.440
The guards stomped toward ODIs, who tapped his feet gleefully.

780
00:51:06.800 --> 00:51:10.119
The behemoth slipped in the arterial blood cascading down his

781
00:51:10.199 --> 00:51:15.039
body and crashed to his knees. ODIs stood and stroked

782
00:51:15.079 --> 00:51:21.280
the man's cheek. Pardon my amusement, ODIs chuckled. But you

783
00:51:21.360 --> 00:51:25.920
can't have slaughter without laughter. He jammed the knife through

784
00:51:25.920 --> 00:51:29.719
the guard's ear and tipped him over. He snorted in

785
00:51:29.760 --> 00:51:33.840
an attempt to suppress a burst of excitement. ODIs bent

786
00:51:33.960 --> 00:51:37.440
and retrieved the radio from the man's belt. He pressed

787
00:51:37.480 --> 00:51:41.639
the call button. I need a room check on a

788
00:51:42.039 --> 00:51:46.480
rowdy guest. He wheezed, ten four. What's the name? A

789
00:51:46.559 --> 00:51:50.239
voice answered, I'm afraid I didn't catch the last name

790
00:51:50.280 --> 00:51:54.199
with all the commotion, ODIs said, I heard his buddy

791
00:51:54.239 --> 00:52:00.000
call him Darren. A long moment of silence followed before

792
00:52:00.159 --> 00:52:02.800
the voice came back. Looks like we got a Darren

793
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:06.519
Hildebrand in three zero three? Say, uh, who is this?

794
00:52:07.000 --> 00:52:15.679
I don't recognize the voice? Otis giggled. Can you believe

795
00:52:15.760 --> 00:52:20.000
that asshole? Karen pressed a cigarette between her lips. Have

796
00:52:20.039 --> 00:52:23.239
you got a light? Darren insists on lighting them for me.

797
00:52:24.039 --> 00:52:26.639
Maggie looked beside her to the crystal ashtray on the

798
00:52:26.719 --> 00:52:29.960
dresser and collected the book of matches bearing the Okay

799
00:52:30.079 --> 00:52:34.320
Brewing logo compliments of the house. She broke one off

800
00:52:34.360 --> 00:52:38.159
and struck it. Karen puffed the cigarette to life, holding

801
00:52:38.199 --> 00:52:41.559
her soaked blouse up for examination before dropping it into

802
00:52:41.599 --> 00:52:44.440
the trash can. She blew smoke from the corner of

803
00:52:44.519 --> 00:52:48.079
her mouth. It had probably stained before we got home. Anyhow.

804
00:52:48.760 --> 00:52:52.119
Maggie tucked the matches into her genes. The only thing

805
00:52:52.159 --> 00:52:55.719
I love more than your thriftiness is your modesty. Want

806
00:52:55.719 --> 00:52:58.760
to put your boobs away now? Karen pressed them together.

807
00:52:59.519 --> 00:53:04.559
Jealous much, Maggie man chest. She laughed, then realized the

808
00:53:04.639 --> 00:53:10.440
high school nickname still struck a nerve. Sorry Mags, no Biggie.

809
00:53:10.800 --> 00:53:16.719
Maggie stood and stretched and flicked Karen's nipple. Ouch. Karen

810
00:53:16.760 --> 00:53:19.960
covered up and retrieved her suitcase. Fine, I'll put them away,

811
00:53:20.000 --> 00:53:24.480
you salty bitch. You enjoyed it, Maggie winked and collected

812
00:53:24.480 --> 00:53:27.679
the cigarette. Hurry up, we need to babysit the boys

813
00:53:27.679 --> 00:53:30.960
before they do something stupid. Karen slipped on a new

814
00:53:31.000 --> 00:53:34.280
shirt and buttoned it quickly. You don't think that creepy

815
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:37.559
old man will bother us again, do you? Between booze

816
00:53:37.599 --> 00:53:40.639
and dementia, he probably won't realize he's met us. Before

817
00:53:41.360 --> 00:53:43.960
Maggie opened the door and waved for her to follow,

818
00:53:44.519 --> 00:53:47.280
Karen grabbed her lanyard and tossed it over her neck

819
00:53:47.320 --> 00:53:50.719
before rushing to catch up. I'm just worried, is all,

820
00:53:51.159 --> 00:53:53.440
Karen said, as she struggled with a few more buttons

821
00:53:53.480 --> 00:53:57.079
before giving up. If she showed enough cleavage, someone might

822
00:53:57.159 --> 00:53:59.559
mistake her for a beer wench and tipper at least.

823
00:54:00.199 --> 00:54:04.679
Oh shit, what now? Maggie rolled her eyes. I forgot

824
00:54:04.679 --> 00:54:08.400
my clutch, Karen smacked Maggie's ass. Keep the guys at

825
00:54:08.400 --> 00:54:11.280
the bar and I'll be right down. Karen twisted the

826
00:54:11.320 --> 00:54:14.280
antique key in the lock and stepped into the room.

827
00:54:14.920 --> 00:54:17.239
The handbag was waiting on the edge of the dresser.

828
00:54:17.719 --> 00:54:21.159
Her eyes flicked on the stains on the carpet, ruddy

829
00:54:21.199 --> 00:54:25.480
footprints that turned to a tight circle. Her lip quivered

830
00:54:25.840 --> 00:54:29.800
and the cigarette fell away. The realization hit her a

831
00:54:29.840 --> 00:54:33.679
moment before the door slammed shut and the hand clamped

832
00:54:33.679 --> 00:54:37.960
over her mouth. You're not as pretty as my last girlfriend,

833
00:54:38.559 --> 00:54:42.639
ODIs hissed over her shoulder. Wet steel lifted the blouse

834
00:54:42.639 --> 00:54:46.320
from her skin. But I bet you're beautiful on the inside,

835
00:54:47.039 --> 00:54:49.880
she screamed into his palm. As the blade sank in,

836
00:54:50.440 --> 00:54:54.960
ODIs shrieked with laughter and slid the knife down, separating

837
00:54:55.000 --> 00:55:00.559
buttons and flesh. Karen squirmed for freedom, emptying her torso

838
00:55:01.119 --> 00:55:10.760
that much quicker? What's taking Karen so long? Carlton checked

839
00:55:10.760 --> 00:55:14.519
his watch again. A screaming guest cut off any reply.

840
00:55:14.920 --> 00:55:18.400
The trio ran toward the commotion. A man vomited in

841
00:55:18.440 --> 00:55:22.239
the hall, while another sobbed against the chevron wallpaper. A

842
00:55:22.320 --> 00:55:25.519
guard pushed his way into the bathroom and shouted profanities

843
00:55:25.519 --> 00:55:28.800
at his discovery. Maggie nudged through the crowd for a

844
00:55:28.840 --> 00:55:32.800
better look. The bloodpool told her to stop, but she

845
00:55:33.039 --> 00:55:36.920
leaned into the bathroom further and saw the corpse sprawled

846
00:55:36.960 --> 00:55:40.440
on the tile. She slapped a hand over her mouth

847
00:55:40.800 --> 00:55:45.280
and ran back to the guys that guard from earlier.

848
00:55:45.679 --> 00:55:50.039
She whimpered, he's been killed. Let's go get Karen and

849
00:55:50.079 --> 00:55:53.360
get the fuck out of here, Darren said. They made

850
00:55:53.400 --> 00:55:56.000
their way to the staircase when a serving girl wiggled

851
00:55:56.079 --> 00:55:59.119
them with a gift bag in her hand. Are you Darren,

852
00:55:59.639 --> 00:56:04.119
she asked? Asked Darren nodded. She held up the bag.

853
00:56:04.559 --> 00:56:06.880
Some old guy gave me twenty bucks to bring this

854
00:56:06.960 --> 00:56:09.400
to you, he said. It was an apology for earlier.

855
00:56:10.119 --> 00:56:13.000
She handed over the bag and waited around for a tip.

856
00:56:13.679 --> 00:56:16.519
When it was clear there wasn't one, she huffed and

857
00:56:16.599 --> 00:56:20.440
scampered off. Darren looked around the crowd for the man.

858
00:56:21.280 --> 00:56:24.000
Y'all go get Karen and I'll wait here. That sick

859
00:56:24.079 --> 00:56:27.639
fuck said he was going to the bathroom. Remember, Maggie

860
00:56:27.679 --> 00:56:30.760
tugged Carlton's arm. They made it to the landing when

861
00:56:30.840 --> 00:56:34.280
Darren shrieked and fell to his knees. The couple ran

862
00:56:34.400 --> 00:56:37.320
back down, and Carlton threw an arm around his friend.

863
00:56:38.039 --> 00:56:44.000
What happened. Maggie picked up the bag and looked inside,

864
00:56:44.440 --> 00:56:51.159
immediately dropping it and turning to puke Jesus. Carlton whispered.

865
00:56:52.119 --> 00:56:56.039
The tipped bag spilled its contents on the floor before them.

866
00:56:56.400 --> 00:57:01.039
Carlton's eyes locked onto the severed breasts. He slid away

867
00:57:01.039 --> 00:57:03.599
from them and tried to stand before fainting at the

868
00:57:03.599 --> 00:57:06.960
foot of the stairs. Maggie wiped her mouth on her

869
00:57:07.000 --> 00:57:10.119
sleeve in time to see Darren storming up the staircase.

870
00:57:10.920 --> 00:57:15.079
I'm coming, motherfucker, he shouted, I'm going to tear your

871
00:57:15.119 --> 00:57:19.039
goddamn heart out. More people were pushing down the hall

872
00:57:19.079 --> 00:57:22.000
to see what the commotion was, and more screams echoed

873
00:57:22.039 --> 00:57:25.840
out of the bathroom when they found out someone pulled

874
00:57:25.840 --> 00:57:30.079
a fire alarm. The clackson sounded with staccato bursts of

875
00:57:30.119 --> 00:57:33.960
strobe lights. The squeaking wheels of an antiquated luggage cart

876
00:57:34.000 --> 00:57:37.639
was barely audible over the ruckus. Maggie watched the crowd

877
00:57:37.760 --> 00:57:40.480
split between those running for their lives and the ones

878
00:57:40.519 --> 00:57:43.039
that were waiting their turn to see the dead guy.

879
00:57:43.880 --> 00:57:46.440
A giggle sent a shiver up her spine right before

880
00:57:46.480 --> 00:57:51.360
the blow landed. She slumped to the floor, fighting unconsciousness.

881
00:57:52.159 --> 00:57:55.079
The old man smiled over her as he hefted her

882
00:57:55.119 --> 00:57:58.599
onto the cart. Another buffed up hulk in a security

883
00:57:58.639 --> 00:58:02.039
t shirt grabbed the lunatic. SA what's going on here?

884
00:58:02.320 --> 00:58:05.760
Don't you hear the fire alarm? He barked. The old

885
00:58:05.800 --> 00:58:11.119
timer giggled. Kids these days, he gestured to Maggie. They

886
00:58:11.159 --> 00:58:14.119
can't hold their hooch. Just loading my nephew and his

887
00:58:14.159 --> 00:58:16.320
girlfriend up to get them out of here. Quicker, sir,

888
00:58:17.199 --> 00:58:21.519
good plan. The guard hired for his imposing size and

889
00:58:21.559 --> 00:58:24.880
not his intellect, slapped the man's arm. Hurry up and

890
00:58:24.920 --> 00:58:29.400
get them to the lawn. Yes, sir. Maggie blinked twice

891
00:58:30.239 --> 00:58:32.280
and then blacked out.

892
00:58:38.519 --> 00:58:42.400
You're not safe yet, Weekly Spooky will be right back.

893
00:58:44.760 --> 00:58:49.440
Maggie's eyes flicked open and closed until vision edged fuzzily

894
00:58:49.519 --> 00:58:54.239
from the abyss of unconsciousness. The world around her was

895
00:58:54.280 --> 00:58:59.159
a kaleidoscope of swimming colors and dancing lights. Someone had

896
00:58:59.199 --> 00:59:02.599
shut off the fire alarm, and far away, the first

897
00:59:02.639 --> 00:59:06.920
responder's sirens were catterwauling down the country roads to the

898
00:59:06.960 --> 00:59:11.559
Springer Hotel. The spotlights outside continued their dance across the

899
00:59:11.599 --> 00:59:14.719
facade of the hotel and brought the twelve foot tall

900
00:59:14.840 --> 00:59:20.239
stained glass rose window into focus. Maggie slowly became aware

901
00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:23.599
of the plush leather chair, cushioning her body and then

902
00:59:23.679 --> 00:59:27.199
the cords that bound her to it by the wrists.

903
00:59:28.000 --> 00:59:32.079
She turned the chair to take in her surroundings. Across

904
00:59:32.159 --> 00:59:36.679
the ornate desk, Darren was strapped to another, less expensive

905
00:59:36.800 --> 00:59:41.320
chair in a similar fashion, only he was stark nude.

906
00:59:41.480 --> 00:59:45.199
His mauled, bloody nose told her he'd gone down just

907
00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:48.719
as painful as she did. O k Brewing ads were

908
00:59:48.760 --> 00:59:52.320
framed on the wood paneled walls, and shelves held industry

909
00:59:52.360 --> 00:59:56.039
awards in commemorative bottles. In the center of the room

910
00:59:56.199 --> 00:59:59.159
was a pedestal with a glass case atop and a

911
00:59:59.199 --> 01:00:02.360
mason jar in the side on a decorative pillow. Their

912
01:00:02.440 --> 01:00:06.559
captor was nowhere to be seen in the vast office,

913
01:00:06.960 --> 01:00:11.800
where Maggie cleared her throat and tried again, where are we?

914
01:00:12.679 --> 01:00:17.800
Darren sniffled the CEO's office. I recognize it from the brochure.

915
01:00:18.400 --> 01:00:22.719
Did you find Karen? Maggie braced herself, already knowing the answer.

916
01:00:23.800 --> 01:00:30.119
Is she really gone? He butchered her. Darren broke down,

917
01:00:30.280 --> 01:00:34.599
crying loudly and struggling against his bonds. He cut her

918
01:00:34.679 --> 01:00:39.679
to pieces. Maggie sh Maggie hissed, you have to keep

919
01:00:39.679 --> 01:00:42.519
it down. We don't know how far he's gone. He

920
01:00:42.559 --> 01:00:48.159
could hear you. I'm I'm sorry, Darren choked on the words.

921
01:00:48.920 --> 01:00:53.440
The police. They're coming. They've got to be. Maggie pushed

922
01:00:53.440 --> 01:00:57.639
her chair along the carpet. Yeah, to investigate a murder,

923
01:00:58.039 --> 01:01:01.280
not to rescue us. They won't even have a head

924
01:01:01.280 --> 01:01:05.039
count until tomorrow. She rounded the desk and rolled closer

925
01:01:05.079 --> 01:01:09.280
to Darren. Untimey, Darren wiggled his hand until he got

926
01:01:09.280 --> 01:01:11.599
his fingers on the knot that held her left arm

927
01:01:11.639 --> 01:01:15.320
in place. Maybe Carlton will tell them we're missing and

928
01:01:15.360 --> 01:01:20.199
they'll come find us. Maybe she scanned the room for

929
01:01:20.280 --> 01:01:24.480
her boyfriend. The hazy memory of her capture replayed in

930
01:01:24.559 --> 01:01:28.360
the back of her mind. Maybe Carlton woke up and ran,

931
01:01:29.719 --> 01:01:33.920
or maybe he woke up and got himself killed. Her

932
01:01:33.960 --> 01:01:37.719
attacker's words came back to her slowly, like letters floating

933
01:01:37.719 --> 01:01:40.480
in a bowl of alphabet soup, until they made a

934
01:01:40.519 --> 01:01:46.400
sentence again. Keep working the knot, she whispered. The door

935
01:01:46.559 --> 01:01:49.440
swung open, and the old man entered with a skip.

936
01:01:50.239 --> 01:01:54.920
Oh goody, you're awake. He giggled excitedly and grabbed the

937
01:01:54.960 --> 01:01:58.599
back of Maggie's chair. Darren tugged the knot hard until

938
01:01:58.639 --> 01:02:01.320
the man wheeled her away and tore the cord from

939
01:02:01.360 --> 01:02:04.719
his fingers. The man parked Maggie next to the desk

940
01:02:04.760 --> 01:02:07.320
and opened one of the drawers. He clicked on the

941
01:02:07.400 --> 01:02:11.039
vintage lamp to rifle through the contents until he squealed happily.

942
01:02:11.480 --> 01:02:16.800
The shears gleamed in the dim amber light. These will

943
01:02:16.800 --> 01:02:20.679
do just fine. He stroked Maggie's cheek with the point,

944
01:02:21.000 --> 01:02:23.840
and then went for Darren. I was afraid you two

945
01:02:23.880 --> 01:02:27.800
would sleep right through the big moment. It's almost midnight,

946
01:02:28.679 --> 01:02:32.400
the blackout at the asylum. Maggie swiveled her chair slightly.

947
01:02:32.880 --> 01:02:35.159
Darren had made some slack in the knot, and she

948
01:02:35.280 --> 01:02:39.159
rolled her wrists slowly to loosen it further. I saw

949
01:02:39.199 --> 01:02:41.559
it on the news a few days ago. They said

950
01:02:41.599 --> 01:02:44.199
there were too many bodies to tell if anyone escaped.

951
01:02:44.920 --> 01:02:49.320
But you did, didn't you. You set that many creative

952
01:02:49.599 --> 01:02:52.679
free spirits loose in one place, and things are bound

953
01:02:52.679 --> 01:02:56.039
to get interesting. The man said, with a gentle tittering

954
01:02:56.800 --> 01:03:00.159
the blackout was a gift from God and one and

955
01:03:00.199 --> 01:03:06.760
should never refuse a gift. So Maggie tugged softly to

956
01:03:06.840 --> 01:03:10.760
see if she could squeeze out, who are you? Why

957
01:03:11.119 --> 01:03:14.039
you're right? I feel like I've known you so long

958
01:03:14.079 --> 01:03:17.440
that I plane forgot to introduce myself. He knelt on

959
01:03:17.480 --> 01:03:20.280
the floor in front of Darren and tapped his fingers

960
01:03:20.320 --> 01:03:24.079
on his captive's knee. A watch alarm beated in the hallway.

961
01:03:25.119 --> 01:03:28.039
Maggie let her head hang and bit her lip. When

962
01:03:28.079 --> 01:03:31.599
the door started to open. She kept her eyes closed

963
01:03:31.599 --> 01:03:35.320
as she raised her head and hoped she was wrong.

964
01:03:36.880 --> 01:03:40.639
She wasn't. The cops will be here in a few minutes,

965
01:03:41.000 --> 01:03:44.159
Carlton said, we don't really have time for this. Uncle Otis,

966
01:03:44.960 --> 01:03:49.719
you should never rush a celebration, carl carl nodded anxiously.

967
01:03:50.800 --> 01:03:54.239
That's true. I suppose we can take the bootlegger tunnel

968
01:03:54.280 --> 01:03:56.480
in the basement all the way to the fireworks bunker.

969
01:03:56.920 --> 01:04:00.719
There's an electric cart there, no sound, and a fore battery.

970
01:04:01.360 --> 01:04:03.760
There's a farm a few miles away. By the time

971
01:04:03.800 --> 01:04:06.079
the cops search, this place will be free and clear.

972
01:04:06.400 --> 01:04:10.119
But we need to go soon, of course, my dear boy,

973
01:04:11.000 --> 01:04:15.880
But it's not really New Year's He slid the chrome

974
01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:23.480
blades around darren scrotum until the ball drops The giggling

975
01:04:23.599 --> 01:04:26.920
disappeared in the wave of Darren's frantic screams. As the

976
01:04:26.920 --> 01:04:31.920
scissors closed slowly on the wrinkled flesh, Maggie jerked her

977
01:04:32.000 --> 01:04:34.440
arm free while her psycho boyfriend laughed it up with

978
01:04:34.480 --> 01:04:37.119
his long lost uncle. She worked the knot on her

979
01:04:37.159 --> 01:04:40.159
other hand and freed herself. As Darren's cries turned sharper,

980
01:04:40.679 --> 01:04:44.199
the glands plopped on the shag carpet and his head lulled.

981
01:04:45.000 --> 01:04:48.039
Maggie launched herself from the chair, snatching a trophy from

982
01:04:48.079 --> 01:04:50.840
the desk. Adorned with a gold plated beer keg. The

983
01:04:50.960 --> 01:04:55.400
ornament twinkled on its arcing path toward Carlton. The stone

984
01:04:55.400 --> 01:04:58.639
base stamped a dent into his forehead, and a backswing

985
01:04:58.760 --> 01:05:01.280
snapped the keg off in scent it and a few

986
01:05:01.320 --> 01:05:05.400
teeth through the glass case resting on the pedestal, ODIs

987
01:05:05.440 --> 01:05:09.519
buried the shears into Maggie's thigh. She cried out and

988
01:05:09.639 --> 01:05:13.800
collapsed beside him. The madman straddled her, squeezing her throat

989
01:05:13.800 --> 01:05:17.800
with his free hand and leaning close. His hot, fetid

990
01:05:17.840 --> 01:05:21.840
breath was like roaches crawling across her cheek. She twisted

991
01:05:21.840 --> 01:05:24.760
her head away from him, her arms stretched for something

992
01:05:24.840 --> 01:05:28.880
she could use to free herself. My nephew's letters told

993
01:05:28.880 --> 01:05:32.400
me how sweet you are, candy was. ODIs ran his

994
01:05:32.519 --> 01:05:35.840
tongue across her ear. He pressed the point of the

995
01:05:35.880 --> 01:05:40.880
scissors into her belly and laughed hysterically at the impending kill.

996
01:05:41.719 --> 01:05:45.280
I only wish I had the time to taste it.

997
01:05:46.840 --> 01:05:51.880
Taste these. Maggie shoved the severed testicles into his open mouth.

998
01:05:52.119 --> 01:05:55.519
ODIs leaned back, twisting to spit them out. Maggie grabbed

999
01:05:55.519 --> 01:05:58.480
his hand and shoved it toward him, lodging the scissors

1000
01:05:58.519 --> 01:06:01.840
into his pudgy belly. Otis ripped the office cutlery from

1001
01:06:01.840 --> 01:06:07.840
his abdomen and raised them overhead. You bitch. Maggie jammed

1002
01:06:07.840 --> 01:06:10.719
her fingers into the wound, pressing deeper until she felt

1003
01:06:10.719 --> 01:06:14.559
something slippery between the tips. She spread her fingers, tearing

1004
01:06:14.599 --> 01:06:17.880
the wound and drawing a fresh scream from Otis. Her

1005
01:06:17.920 --> 01:06:21.719
hand pushed through and disappeared inside him. As she clenched

1006
01:06:21.719 --> 01:06:25.800
her fingers around the tissue, Maggie jerked her hand free,

1007
01:06:26.360 --> 01:06:30.199
and gravity did the rest. The intestines twisted out of

1008
01:06:30.239 --> 01:06:33.039
the new orifice like a worm wriggling on a hook.

1009
01:06:33.519 --> 01:06:37.440
Otis rolled away, screeching. He discarded the scissors to push

1010
01:06:37.480 --> 01:06:40.199
his guts back in as he crawled for the door.

1011
01:06:40.840 --> 01:06:44.280
Carlton groaned on the floor and staggered to his feet

1012
01:06:44.320 --> 01:06:48.280
after a series of failed attempts. Maggie stood next to

1013
01:06:48.280 --> 01:06:50.920
the pedestal and read the little plaque in front of

1014
01:06:50.960 --> 01:06:54.639
the decorative pillow. The jar of moonshine was the only

1015
01:06:54.719 --> 01:06:59.039
thing that survived the fire in nineteen thirty one. She

1016
01:06:59.239 --> 01:07:03.559
hefted the mace jar and examined the contents. Carlton rubbed

1017
01:07:03.599 --> 01:07:05.800
the oozing wound in the center of his head and

1018
01:07:05.840 --> 01:07:08.880
cleared the blood from his eyes, just in time for

1019
01:07:08.960 --> 01:07:12.800
the container to meet his face. He staggered backwards and

1020
01:07:12.840 --> 01:07:15.760
fell on top of the desk. Maggie dug in her

1021
01:07:15.800 --> 01:07:19.039
pocket and limped closer while Carlton struggled to remove a

1022
01:07:19.079 --> 01:07:23.159
shard of glass from his cheek. Can't can't we talk?

1023
01:07:23.760 --> 01:07:27.239
He held up his hands defensively. I mean, you don't

1024
01:07:27.280 --> 01:07:30.920
turn your back on family, right, Maggie. You get it,

1025
01:07:30.960 --> 01:07:35.000
don't you. Maggie struck a match and twisted it between

1026
01:07:35.039 --> 01:07:39.239
her fingers. I told you I came for the fireworks.

1027
01:07:39.960 --> 01:07:43.159
Carlton slowly lifted his shirt to his nose and sniffed

1028
01:07:43.199 --> 01:07:48.519
the alcohol saturated fibers. Oh shit, he rolled over the desk.

1029
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:51.639
Come on, Mags, this isn't you. You're not a killer.

1030
01:07:52.519 --> 01:07:56.039
New Year knew me. She lit the book, igniting the

1031
01:07:56.079 --> 01:08:00.000
remaining matches in a sulfurous flash, compliments of the house.

1032
01:08:01.000 --> 01:08:04.760
Maggie tossed the match book and Carlton ignited instantly. The

1033
01:08:04.840 --> 01:08:08.079
flames flared over his face as he spun, sprinting for

1034
01:08:08.199 --> 01:08:11.480
the giant window and diving through it. The stained glass

1035
01:08:11.519 --> 01:08:14.719
fell through the spotlights like shards of a shattered rainbow

1036
01:08:14.920 --> 01:08:18.920
as he plummeted toward the cool salvation of the beer fountain.

1037
01:08:19.720 --> 01:08:23.520
Maggie stood in the empty frame and glanced down. Carlton's

1038
01:08:23.560 --> 01:08:28.079
burning body danced on the end of Poseidon's trident. Maggie

1039
01:08:28.119 --> 01:08:31.680
watched until it went still. His jaw tore away from

1040
01:08:31.720 --> 01:08:35.159
the prongs, and his corpse dumped into the fountain with

1041
01:08:35.199 --> 01:08:39.720
a puff of steam and an anticlimactic sizzle. She ambled

1042
01:08:39.760 --> 01:08:43.039
away from the window, collected the scissors from the carpet,

1043
01:08:43.159 --> 01:08:46.800
and made her way to the stairwell. Her leg throbbed

1044
01:08:46.800 --> 01:08:49.800
as her toes squished with each step. As the blood

1045
01:08:49.880 --> 01:08:53.760
collected in her boot. She limped down the stairs, following

1046
01:08:53.800 --> 01:08:56.880
the crimson trail left by Otis and leaving her own

1047
01:08:56.920 --> 01:08:59.800
as she braced a bloody hand on the wall for balance.

1048
01:09:00.560 --> 01:09:03.600
In the basement, she found the pile of boards where

1049
01:09:03.640 --> 01:09:07.960
Carlton had reopened the bootlegger tunnel, and beside them the

1050
01:09:08.039 --> 01:09:11.920
carpenter's hatchet he used to pull them down. She slipped

1051
01:09:11.920 --> 01:09:14.920
the scissors into her pocket and scooped up the small

1052
01:09:14.960 --> 01:09:20.960
axe before continuing her pursuit. In the stretch of pitch black,

1053
01:09:21.319 --> 01:09:26.319
a flashlight danced unsteadily ahead of her. Maggie didn't know

1054
01:09:26.439 --> 01:09:29.479
how long the tunnel went on, so she pushed herself

1055
01:09:29.520 --> 01:09:33.039
to catch up. If Otis got out first, he'd get

1056
01:09:33.039 --> 01:09:36.159
in the cart and disappear before anyone could catch him.

1057
01:09:36.439 --> 01:09:39.720
She couldn't let that happen. Maggie bit her tongue to

1058
01:09:39.800 --> 01:09:43.039
keep the screams at bay. She just needed to get closer.

1059
01:09:43.960 --> 01:09:48.920
The light dropped, followed by a curse. It rolled chaotically

1060
01:09:49.000 --> 01:09:53.600
before it steadied and rose. Otis had fallen, and Maggie

1061
01:09:53.680 --> 01:09:56.600
used it to her advantage, pushing her wounded leg into

1062
01:09:56.600 --> 01:10:02.640
a hobbling sprint. Otis, she cried out. The light stopped moving.

1063
01:10:03.479 --> 01:10:08.000
Otis giggled maniacally and started to turn. She reached back

1064
01:10:08.239 --> 01:10:11.439
and hurled the hatchet. The laughter turned to a howl

1065
01:10:11.640 --> 01:10:15.079
as the blade found its target. Maggie watched the beams

1066
01:10:15.199 --> 01:10:19.239
swirl and fall to the ground once again. The flashlight

1067
01:10:19.359 --> 01:10:22.479
rolled down the path and she retrieved it on her way.

1068
01:10:23.159 --> 01:10:26.000
Otis was sprawled in the gravel with the hatchet sticking

1069
01:10:26.039 --> 01:10:32.079
out of his skull, intersecting his scar. Ugh not again,

1070
01:10:33.039 --> 01:10:37.279
he whimpered, I haven't seen you since last year, Otis.

1071
01:10:37.279 --> 01:10:39.640
Maggie shined the light in his face and drew the

1072
01:10:39.640 --> 01:10:43.000
scissors from her pocket. Did your nephew's letters tell you

1073
01:10:43.079 --> 01:10:45.600
we used to go axe throwing with Darren and Karen?

1074
01:10:46.560 --> 01:10:51.039
ODIs smiled slowly, his giggling turned to a rasping cough.

1075
01:10:51.960 --> 01:10:55.760
Maggie knelt beside him and worked her fingers into his waistband.

1076
01:10:58.119 --> 01:11:02.079
You know, I think I'm missed it earlier, the part

1077
01:11:02.119 --> 01:11:11.600
where the ball dropped. Otis wasn't laughing anymore. Maggie wiped

1078
01:11:11.600 --> 01:11:14.840
her fingers on her jeans, collecting more blood than she

1079
01:11:14.920 --> 01:11:18.880
got off, and flipped the ignition switch. The little golf

1080
01:11:18.920 --> 01:11:22.640
cart jutted forward and whirred across the manicured grounds to

1081
01:11:22.720 --> 01:11:26.319
the wall of flashing lights waiting at the Springer Hotel.

1082
01:11:27.279 --> 01:11:30.760
Her mind roamed as the cart bounced along the path.

1083
01:11:31.560 --> 01:11:33.760
She wondered if this would make it into the movie,

1084
01:11:34.399 --> 01:11:38.159
or if they'd save it for the sequel. The final

1085
01:11:38.239 --> 01:11:41.560
look of shock on Otis Kilgore's face as she left

1086
01:11:41.640 --> 01:11:45.239
him in that tunnel would make a great fade to black.

1087
01:11:46.399 --> 01:11:50.319
Maggie thought about him bleeding out in the darkness and

1088
01:11:50.479 --> 01:12:04.720
started to giggle. Stakes and Showguns by Dan Wilder, dedicated

1089
01:12:05.479 --> 01:12:10.039
to David Denier. It was the last day of eighteen

1090
01:12:10.159 --> 01:12:13.079
ninety nine that a group of brave souls put to

1091
01:12:13.159 --> 01:12:17.880
rest the embodiment of all things satanic, the vile lord

1092
01:12:17.960 --> 01:12:23.399
of the night, the great dragon, Count Dracula, laid low

1093
01:12:23.479 --> 01:12:29.720
by means of wood, steel, fire, and love. They celebrated

1094
01:12:29.720 --> 01:12:32.960
the coming of the new year in darkest Transylvania that year,

1095
01:12:33.520 --> 01:12:37.159
raising many tankards of spiced mead and toast of their

1096
01:12:37.159 --> 01:12:42.399
great victory over the darkness. Their minds and hearts filled

1097
01:12:42.439 --> 01:12:45.760
with an abundance of faith in the pureeness of humanity's

1098
01:12:45.800 --> 01:12:49.880
will and its unwavering ability to extinguish the flame of

1099
01:12:49.960 --> 01:12:59.840
Hell's emissaries. Fucking dumbasses. I hate falling asleep here. You

1100
01:13:00.119 --> 01:13:01.960
always wake up with a film on the roof of

1101
01:13:02.000 --> 01:13:05.199
your mouth, and the one two punch of stale popcorn

1102
01:13:05.199 --> 01:13:08.279
and even more stale piss can really take the wind

1103
01:13:08.319 --> 01:13:11.159
out of your sails. And don't even get me started

1104
01:13:11.199 --> 01:13:13.159
on the bums that come in here just to warm

1105
01:13:13.239 --> 01:13:18.319
up and occasionally die. There were a gaggle of such

1106
01:13:18.479 --> 01:13:21.359
gents in the front row this very night, and they

1107
01:13:21.399 --> 01:13:23.920
cared about the first feature of the evening, a re

1108
01:13:24.119 --> 01:13:27.840
titled re release of blood Shack, which had been cycled

1109
01:13:27.840 --> 01:13:30.319
through this theater at least five times in as many

1110
01:13:30.399 --> 01:13:34.399
years as I did. I was here to see Showgun Assassin,

1111
01:13:34.479 --> 01:13:37.000
which I missed on its first go around earlier this

1112
01:13:37.159 --> 01:13:40.600
year thanks to work commitments, but I'd be damned if

1113
01:13:40.640 --> 01:13:43.840
I missed it again. Hell the trailer alone made it

1114
01:13:43.880 --> 01:13:46.319
seem like it would be the blood bath of the century,

1115
01:13:46.880 --> 01:13:50.199
which you'd think i'd try to avoid given my profession.

1116
01:13:50.279 --> 01:13:53.960
But there was nowhere else I'd rather spend New Year's Eve,

1117
01:13:54.760 --> 01:13:59.920
So yeah, now I'm awake and hungry. I made my

1118
01:14:00.119 --> 01:14:03.199
way to the lobby and found it both quiet and empty,

1119
01:14:03.279 --> 01:14:06.920
which it never is, giving it a full minute with

1120
01:14:07.000 --> 01:14:09.520
no sign of life. I stole a bucket of popcorn

1121
01:14:09.720 --> 01:14:12.680
and a watered down soda, neither of which I felt

1122
01:14:12.680 --> 01:14:15.560
guilty about since they taste like crap on a good day.

1123
01:14:17.000 --> 01:14:19.479
I made it back just in time to catch an

1124
01:14:19.479 --> 01:14:24.199
earful of the raunchy our Future presentation theme, which made

1125
01:14:24.199 --> 01:14:28.680
a pornoscore sound sedate by comparison with its paint swirl

1126
01:14:28.760 --> 01:14:32.680
graphic accompaniment. Now, if all that happened next was I

1127
01:14:32.840 --> 01:14:35.439
ate purloined treats and watched a man and his young

1128
01:14:35.600 --> 01:14:38.319
child fuck up a good sized hunk of ancient Japan

1129
01:14:38.439 --> 01:14:41.640
in a whirlwind of wholesome violence, then this would be

1130
01:14:41.720 --> 01:14:44.920
a boring yarn delay on you. But for a solid

1131
01:14:45.000 --> 01:14:50.439
hour that's exactly what went down. But wait, it gets better.

1132
01:14:51.119 --> 01:14:58.239
In a New York minute, at random intervals, there would

1133
01:14:58.279 --> 01:15:01.239
be a mild movement from the huddled forms of the

1134
01:15:01.279 --> 01:15:04.680
homeless dudes in the front row, but whatever was going on,

1135
01:15:04.760 --> 01:15:09.079
they were mercifully keeping it to themselves for once until

1136
01:15:09.119 --> 01:15:13.880
they didn't now one aside about Showgun Assassin, it frequently

1137
01:15:13.920 --> 01:15:18.279
features blood spraying everywhere like a nightmare. Money shot, And

1138
01:15:18.319 --> 01:15:20.960
it was during one such scene that I noticed one

1139
01:15:20.960 --> 01:15:23.439
of the bums had wandered up to the screen and

1140
01:15:23.560 --> 01:15:27.119
was trying to catch the on screen blood rain in

1141
01:15:27.199 --> 01:15:31.640
his open mouth. What in the fuck now? Next he

1142
01:15:31.720 --> 01:15:36.560
tried to lick the screen, which was when I took action. Hey, FUCKO,

1143
01:15:37.079 --> 01:15:41.079
sit your ass down now. Usually that was all it

1144
01:15:41.119 --> 01:15:44.680
would take with these folks to return to some semblance

1145
01:15:44.720 --> 01:15:49.199
of order, but not this time. Nope, I had just

1146
01:15:49.399 --> 01:15:58.039
fucked up royally. You know how a cat's eye shines

1147
01:15:58.079 --> 01:16:01.840
in the dark screen, liquors did too. When he turned

1148
01:16:01.880 --> 01:16:05.920
to look at me, speaking of cats, he hissed at

1149
01:16:05.960 --> 01:16:10.359
me as well, which was both rude and unnerving. All

1150
01:16:10.399 --> 01:16:12.520
I could do for a few seconds was stare in

1151
01:16:12.680 --> 01:16:17.000
open mouthed dumb assery at the rapidly approaching figure, a

1152
01:16:17.039 --> 01:16:20.079
figure that was bounding across the tops of rickety theater

1153
01:16:20.199 --> 01:16:24.760
seats like a demented wolf. I gripped the wooden armrest

1154
01:16:24.840 --> 01:16:28.359
of my theater seat so tightly it snapped off, not

1155
01:16:28.520 --> 01:16:31.800
much of a herculean result, given the state of the theater.

1156
01:16:32.600 --> 01:16:35.000
Within a heartbeat, the creature had lifted me from my

1157
01:16:35.119 --> 01:16:38.239
seat with one hand and stared into my eyes with

1158
01:16:38.319 --> 01:16:43.119
those freaky glowing peepers of his. I was nearly mesmerized,

1159
01:16:43.119 --> 01:16:47.600
but regained my senses enough to mutter, you're a vampire.

1160
01:16:48.439 --> 01:16:51.640
When the being opened its jaws wide as a snake,

1161
01:16:51.760 --> 01:16:55.880
and twin fangs descended wetly from its whiskey scented gums.

1162
01:16:56.399 --> 01:16:59.560
As if by instinct, I shoved the jagged edge of

1163
01:16:59.600 --> 01:17:03.319
my broken armress directly through the creature's heart. The being

1164
01:17:03.439 --> 01:17:06.359
crumpled and had dissolved to bones before it hit the

1165
01:17:06.399 --> 01:17:10.439
cum and gum encrusted floor. I tried desperately to catch

1166
01:17:10.520 --> 01:17:13.920
my breath, but more hissing erupted from the peanut gallery.

1167
01:17:15.159 --> 01:17:18.359
I know where your mind is headed. This badass took

1168
01:17:18.399 --> 01:17:20.960
out the rest of those fang bangers next in a

1169
01:17:21.079 --> 01:17:26.680
shocking and entertaining explosion of raw action. I agree that

1170
01:17:26.840 --> 01:17:32.840
sounds amazing. I puked instead. Oh shit, maybe I was

1171
01:17:32.840 --> 01:17:36.199
a tad unclear as to my profession. I work reception

1172
01:17:36.359 --> 01:17:43.439
at a blood bank. Anyway, it turns out I had

1173
01:17:43.439 --> 01:17:46.079
more than enough time to spray vomit on seats that

1174
01:17:46.159 --> 01:17:50.840
were no strangers to such actions. As the Master of

1175
01:17:50.920 --> 01:17:54.199
Death succumbed to our hero's sword on screen, I could

1176
01:17:54.279 --> 01:17:56.840
see that the remainder of the front row were feeding

1177
01:17:56.920 --> 01:18:01.439
upon themselves instead of hunting me down. Apparently cheap booze

1178
01:18:01.439 --> 01:18:05.680
and supernatural monsters are not good friends. This time, I

1179
01:18:05.800 --> 01:18:08.920
wised up and made a run for it. So the

1180
01:18:09.000 --> 01:18:13.279
lobby was still dead and completely without anything remotely useful

1181
01:18:13.319 --> 01:18:16.520
as a weapon, and the front doors and fire exits

1182
01:18:16.680 --> 01:18:21.800
seemed to be welded shut. So that's just fucking great.

1183
01:18:22.760 --> 01:18:26.079
The adjoining theater was without patrons, but a swarm of

1184
01:18:26.159 --> 01:18:29.239
bats swirled around the light from the projection booth as

1185
01:18:29.279 --> 01:18:32.880
a horny fish man was making sweet scaly love to

1186
01:18:33.079 --> 01:18:37.399
is less than enthused partner. Their red eyes turned towards me,

1187
01:18:38.000 --> 01:18:41.279
and I slammed that door shut. I can't believe I'm

1188
01:18:41.279 --> 01:18:45.439
going to die without seeing that fucking movie again. The

1189
01:18:45.520 --> 01:18:49.560
manager's office was sans manager, but plus one shaker of

1190
01:18:49.640 --> 01:18:53.600
garlic salt, so I had that one going for me.

1191
01:18:54.159 --> 01:18:58.000
I mean, if vampire movies were to be believed, I'm

1192
01:18:58.039 --> 01:19:02.039
so fucked. Looking out the offices sealed tight window, I

1193
01:19:02.079 --> 01:19:05.199
could see drunken revelers making their way down the street,

1194
01:19:05.640 --> 01:19:09.840
completely oblivious to the impending hammer film scenario about to

1195
01:19:09.880 --> 01:19:13.720
play out. In this greasy little shithole. As if on cue,

1196
01:19:14.199 --> 01:19:16.960
the door to the room exploded into a million pieces.

1197
01:19:16.960 --> 01:19:19.760
As those bats finally caught up to me, I tore

1198
01:19:19.840 --> 01:19:22.600
the top of the garlic salt off and began flailing

1199
01:19:22.600 --> 01:19:26.159
it like a madman possessed. The barrage hit the bats

1200
01:19:26.159 --> 01:19:30.760
dead on eventually, and they fell to the ground and smoking,

1201
01:19:31.159 --> 01:19:35.000
screeching piles. I made my way through the thickening haze

1202
01:19:35.039 --> 01:19:38.640
and hauled ass back downstairs. And that's when I heard

1203
01:19:38.720 --> 01:19:43.840
the cry for help. Someone was clearly calling for help

1204
01:19:44.119 --> 01:19:47.239
as I flew pellmell into the lobby, someone in the

1205
01:19:47.239 --> 01:19:51.800
theater I had currently occupied. For fuck's sake, I made

1206
01:19:51.800 --> 01:19:54.840
my way to the theater door and cracked it open. Well,

1207
01:19:55.359 --> 01:19:59.359
the movie had ended, so there's that. Cautiously, I made

1208
01:19:59.399 --> 01:20:02.880
my way in to the silent auditorium. I walked past

1209
01:20:03.000 --> 01:20:07.840
my bile soaked seat, and there, untouched by puke particles,

1210
01:20:08.479 --> 01:20:11.920
was my pilfered beverage. I grabbed it and took a

1211
01:20:11.960 --> 01:20:16.880
pool water with just a hint of cola flavor. I'd

1212
01:20:16.880 --> 01:20:20.960
sampled this vintage before. In the now raised house lights,

1213
01:20:21.159 --> 01:20:25.239
I could see the absolutely nauseating scene inside. The vamps

1214
01:20:25.239 --> 01:20:29.119
had eaten themselves to death, double death, and from under

1215
01:20:29.159 --> 01:20:32.319
what could only be charitably referred to as a gut

1216
01:20:32.359 --> 01:20:37.359
pile came that pained call for assistance. As I neared

1217
01:20:37.359 --> 01:20:41.319
the mountain of wreaking carnage, a hand darted skywards, sending

1218
01:20:41.359 --> 01:20:45.479
glistening red bits in every direction. Help, please, for all

1219
01:20:45.520 --> 01:20:46.640
that's holy, help me.

1220
01:20:48.760 --> 01:20:53.239
If you're not afraid, then you're already dead. Weekly spooky,

1221
01:20:53.319 --> 01:20:54.560
We'll be right back.

1222
01:20:56.279 --> 01:20:59.319
Against my better judgment. I grabbed the wrist of that

1223
01:20:59.439 --> 01:21:04.119
mystery on and tugged hard. You know that sound when

1224
01:21:04.119 --> 01:21:06.960
you dump a slow moving turd of dog food from

1225
01:21:07.000 --> 01:21:10.880
the can and it finally shimmys its way free. That

1226
01:21:11.079 --> 01:21:13.800
was the sound that filled the air, although it was

1227
01:21:13.880 --> 01:21:18.399
a great deal. Louder, a bearded man, his thin frame

1228
01:21:18.520 --> 01:21:21.840
covered in gore, fell from the mound of formerly human

1229
01:21:21.960 --> 01:21:27.359
sloppy joe, Thank you, my son. He punctuated that statement

1230
01:21:27.600 --> 01:21:32.760
with a sour wine belch. You a holy man. Formerly

1231
01:21:33.239 --> 01:21:39.079
my flock has sadly gone astray, he gagged. Any idea

1232
01:21:39.119 --> 01:21:43.319
what's going on here? Sadly I do, he said, His

1233
01:21:43.439 --> 01:21:48.199
brows furrowed and dripped one bodily fluid after another. Go On,

1234
01:21:49.399 --> 01:21:53.159
I went to the bathroom, turning wine into piss. Jesus

1235
01:21:53.199 --> 01:21:56.199
would be proud. I was pretty happy with that one,

1236
01:21:56.399 --> 01:21:59.439
though the hobo didn't even react. Even at the end,

1237
01:21:59.479 --> 01:22:02.800
I can't catch a break in there. I saw the

1238
01:22:02.840 --> 01:22:06.279
manager of this fine establishment kneeling in one of the stalls.

1239
01:22:07.039 --> 01:22:10.279
He started sobbing like a baby. Come on, spit it out,

1240
01:22:10.359 --> 01:22:18.680
you pious motherfucker. He was was was what giving Who

1241
01:22:18.720 --> 01:22:27.520
I believe was was Dracula a A. Here's what I know.

1242
01:22:28.239 --> 01:22:30.800
This dude from the garbage plate, used to be a priest,

1243
01:22:31.159 --> 01:22:33.920
comes here to get warm and and I can't believe

1244
01:22:33.960 --> 01:22:37.760
I'm going to say this gave Count Dracula a bj

1245
01:22:38.000 --> 01:22:41.479
in the bathroom. Yeah, it turns out when he was

1246
01:22:41.560 --> 01:22:44.760
done with the manager, he used his mesmerism to continue

1247
01:22:44.800 --> 01:22:49.000
on with the padre there. When said encounter happened, he

1248
01:22:49.039 --> 01:22:53.479
could see things from Dracula's mind, him surviving a murder plot,

1249
01:22:53.720 --> 01:22:56.159
his arrival in Manhattan in the turn of the century,

1250
01:22:56.600 --> 01:22:59.760
his dwelling torn down in a movie theater erected while

1251
01:22:59.760 --> 01:23:03.800
he slumbered in the cold soil hidden below, and his

1252
01:23:03.920 --> 01:23:07.479
resurrection through feeding on the homeless that sheltered in the

1253
01:23:07.520 --> 01:23:11.119
cinema This was all told over candy that had went

1254
01:23:11.159 --> 01:23:15.319
off data solid four months ago. I refilled my water

1255
01:23:15.399 --> 01:23:19.720
soda and took a long pull. Now my plan here

1256
01:23:19.920 --> 01:23:23.039
was to spit out some cool ass catchphrase and make

1257
01:23:23.079 --> 01:23:25.479
a plan for trying to get away from this nightmare,

1258
01:23:26.039 --> 01:23:29.800
maybe build some sweet weapons. But the smoke got in

1259
01:23:29.880 --> 01:23:34.960
my lungs. Wait, smoke those damn bats. They came a

1260
01:23:35.000 --> 01:23:38.479
flopping and smoldering down the stairs into the lobby, and

1261
01:23:38.560 --> 01:23:43.159
they were looking more healthy by the second. Come on, think, wait,

1262
01:23:43.800 --> 01:23:48.439
were the bats melting together? I took the final pull

1263
01:23:48.479 --> 01:23:50.560
off my drink and tossed the cup to the ground.

1264
01:23:51.039 --> 01:23:54.279
The bats had formed one large bat that strode forward,

1265
01:23:54.319 --> 01:23:58.359
walking on its wings. It roared at us as it

1266
01:23:58.520 --> 01:24:01.960
slowly advanced its bulk. Folk smashed into the concession stand

1267
01:24:02.000 --> 01:24:05.640
sending popcorn and soda cups in every direction. That's when

1268
01:24:05.640 --> 01:24:10.760
it hit me, a priest water soda. I bet that

1269
01:24:10.800 --> 01:24:13.560
could be one hell of a holy water. Hey, father,

1270
01:24:13.880 --> 01:24:15.479
do you think you have it in you to bless

1271
01:24:15.520 --> 01:24:19.920
some water? He burped. I took that as yes, Now

1272
01:24:19.960 --> 01:24:24.720
this was a plan, except I finished my drink and

1273
01:24:24.800 --> 01:24:27.640
the soda fountain had been smashed to shitterenes by the

1274
01:24:27.760 --> 01:24:32.640
drag attack. That's when an idea occurred. I was about

1275
01:24:32.680 --> 01:24:36.000
to die, and I really needed to take a piss.

1276
01:24:36.479 --> 01:24:38.720
I mean, I could probably just let it go at

1277
01:24:38.720 --> 01:24:43.000
this point. What a shitty way to go. Think? Think

1278
01:24:44.159 --> 01:24:47.279
that could work? Father? Does it matter what vessel the

1279
01:24:47.279 --> 01:24:51.399
holy water flows from? Two burps? That's clearly a no.

1280
01:24:52.239 --> 01:24:54.800
It was then that I whipped it out and turned

1281
01:24:54.840 --> 01:24:58.840
towards the priest. Your father, bless this. He held a

1282
01:24:58.880 --> 01:25:04.239
trembling hand above my stream and said something regardless. It worked,

1283
01:25:04.479 --> 01:25:07.600
and I hosed that hell beast down good. As his

1284
01:25:07.760 --> 01:25:12.279
flesh sizzled, Dracula hissed, screamed something in a language I

1285
01:25:13.000 --> 01:25:16.800
didn't understand, burst back into his bat form, and exploded

1286
01:25:16.840 --> 01:25:19.560
through the glass doors of the lobby and out into

1287
01:25:19.560 --> 01:25:23.840
the frigid winter night. The priest had dozed off. I

1288
01:25:23.880 --> 01:25:26.479
stepped over the broken glass and out onto the street.

1289
01:25:30.399 --> 01:25:34.199
More New Year's revelers passed, laughing onward into the night,

1290
01:25:34.760 --> 01:25:39.239
a night that now contained the greatest evil known to mankind,

1291
01:25:39.880 --> 01:25:52.279
and evil waiting to strike again. Alien zombie punks from

1292
01:25:52.359 --> 01:25:57.680
Upstate New York by Dan Wilder. Why is it so

1293
01:25:57.880 --> 01:26:01.680
dark in here? Damn it, I just hit my head

1294
01:26:01.720 --> 01:26:10.920
on a ceiling. Wait a minute, I think I'm dead.

1295
01:26:16.359 --> 01:26:19.880
Let's see if I can piece this thing together. We

1296
01:26:19.920 --> 01:26:23.720
went into the city earlier. It was me Sloppy Suicide,

1297
01:26:24.119 --> 01:26:27.840
or Ricky as he was known before last year, Debbie

1298
01:26:28.079 --> 01:26:32.000
and myself. We strolled around the city streets, which were

1299
01:26:32.000 --> 01:26:35.000
both ten to twenty degrees warmer than the streets of

1300
01:26:35.039 --> 01:26:38.640
the nowhere mountain town we left three hours earlier, but

1301
01:26:38.760 --> 01:26:44.920
also inexplicably smelled like chocolate flavored breakfast cereal, which was

1302
01:26:45.000 --> 01:26:48.199
strange but better than the leather mill runoff that usually

1303
01:26:48.239 --> 01:26:52.119
tickled our noses with its award losing scent of sickly

1304
01:26:52.239 --> 01:26:57.359
sweet putrescence mixed tenderly with chemicals that were most likely

1305
01:26:57.439 --> 01:27:02.239
banned everywhere else in the free world anyway. Earlier, our

1306
01:27:02.279 --> 01:27:06.640
punk rock asses clamored into Ricky Sorry Sloppies busted up

1307
01:27:06.680 --> 01:27:10.600
conversion van with bags of snacks and beer, and began

1308
01:27:10.680 --> 01:27:14.319
the long drive to the Big Apple. It was already

1309
01:27:14.359 --> 01:27:17.359
snowing steadily as we tore down the roads leading to

1310
01:27:17.399 --> 01:27:20.159
the highway entrance that would bring us close to our

1311
01:27:20.239 --> 01:27:24.880
ultimate destination, Max's Kansas City for a likely to be

1312
01:27:25.000 --> 01:27:29.279
unforgettable night of punk music and New Year's revelry. But

1313
01:27:29.399 --> 01:27:32.880
the chains wrapped securely around the van's tires kept us

1314
01:27:33.319 --> 01:27:36.479
thankfully on the road, no matter how dicey the weather was.

1315
01:27:37.479 --> 01:27:41.560
Apparently it was in part forgettable, because piecing this shit

1316
01:27:41.640 --> 01:27:46.720
together is getting harder. But I digress. So we walk around,

1317
01:27:46.880 --> 01:27:50.800
got buzzed. Debbie bought a few trinkets from the street vendors,

1318
01:27:50.800 --> 01:27:54.600
and eventually we wandered our way over to the venue.

1319
01:27:57.439 --> 01:28:01.800
After arriving and stepping gracefully over for a disturbingly large

1320
01:28:01.840 --> 01:28:06.159
puddle of puke, we stepped inside. The place was wall

1321
01:28:06.279 --> 01:28:12.159
to wallpunks, bullshitting, dranking, being charmingly rude, All of our

1322
01:28:12.199 --> 01:28:16.279
greatest qualities brought out in mass. We mingled, we drank,

1323
01:28:16.439 --> 01:28:19.960
We were loud, and soon the opening band lurched to life.

1324
01:28:20.960 --> 01:28:23.479
I can't, for the life of me remember their names,

1325
01:28:23.880 --> 01:28:28.520
but they sang fast, aggressive songs about alienation, indiscriminate fucking.

1326
01:28:28.800 --> 01:28:31.079
There might have even been a television cover in there.

1327
01:28:31.439 --> 01:28:34.880
They were quickly followed by more scruffy snot leaking bands

1328
01:28:34.880 --> 01:28:37.760
that played forty song sets in the space of twenty minutes.

1329
01:28:37.800 --> 01:28:42.640
Apiece so far, So worth it The night wore on

1330
01:28:43.000 --> 01:28:46.640
and on, but soon the headliners took the stage, Coming

1331
01:28:46.680 --> 01:28:51.239
straight from the wilds of New Jersey. These folks looked,

1332
01:28:51.279 --> 01:28:54.199
for all the world could tell, like ghoules returned from

1333
01:28:54.279 --> 01:28:57.920
the dead to raise unholy hell, and they were louder

1334
01:28:58.079 --> 01:29:03.600
and more confrontational than all the other acts combined. Wait

1335
01:29:03.640 --> 01:29:08.439
a minute, Gouls, That triggers something to fire off deep

1336
01:29:08.479 --> 01:29:13.760
within my brain. The scream started from the back of

1337
01:29:13.800 --> 01:29:16.239
the club, but it was barely audible over the din

1338
01:29:16.319 --> 01:29:19.920
of the band and the crowd cheering them on. Occasionally,

1339
01:29:19.960 --> 01:29:23.239
the band's bass player, a hulking dude with long black

1340
01:29:23.279 --> 01:29:25.840
hair brushed in front of his face, would smash his

1341
01:29:25.920 --> 01:29:30.680
instrument into anyone foolish enough to dare to get on stage. Onward,

1342
01:29:30.720 --> 01:29:34.760
they played bringing Us Chain Gang choruses and three Angry chords,

1343
01:29:34.800 --> 01:29:39.039
all wrapped around tales of the Kennedy assassination, teenagers from

1344
01:29:39.079 --> 01:29:43.520
outer space and satanic werewolves, and subtly the crowd noise

1345
01:29:44.640 --> 01:29:49.000
became less and less. I have no idea what compelled

1346
01:29:49.039 --> 01:29:54.640
me to turn around, but I did then quickly regretted it.

1347
01:29:56.119 --> 01:29:58.760
In the front of the house, someone or more accurately,

1348
01:29:59.359 --> 01:30:04.800
something moved among the crowds swiftly. The being's eyes reflected light,

1349
01:30:04.920 --> 01:30:08.680
not unlike a dog or a cat, which was disquieting

1350
01:30:08.800 --> 01:30:11.840
enough for sure, but the fact that it was seemingly

1351
01:30:12.039 --> 01:30:16.800
murdering patrons left and right was undoubtedly its worst feature.

1352
01:30:17.720 --> 01:30:21.079
I turned back to warn Debis and Debbie, but another

1353
01:30:21.159 --> 01:30:24.600
shadow being had torn them to pieces before setting to

1354
01:30:24.640 --> 01:30:28.840
work on the band, who admittedly fought like leather clad perserkers,

1355
01:30:29.439 --> 01:30:32.319
but no amount of leather clad muscle and violence could

1356
01:30:32.319 --> 01:30:35.920
stop the creatures, whose numbers had now swollen to four.

1357
01:30:37.119 --> 01:30:39.680
Upon seeing this, I did the only same thing I

1358
01:30:39.720 --> 01:30:43.119
could think of. I ran the fuck out of there.

1359
01:30:44.479 --> 01:30:48.720
I like it spooky, weekly spooky. We'll be right back.

1360
01:30:55.840 --> 01:30:59.800
I pushed through the throng, slid constantly on barf, blood,

1361
01:30:59.840 --> 01:31:03.319
and lord knows what other bodily secretions, before I burst

1362
01:31:03.399 --> 01:31:07.279
out onto the city street. The heavily falling snow made

1363
01:31:07.279 --> 01:31:11.239
everything seem like a Christmas card worthy winter wonderland, but

1364
01:31:12.199 --> 01:31:17.520
the sky held less enchanting prospects. Far above the skyscrapers,

1365
01:31:17.560 --> 01:31:21.439
meteors streaked across the sky, leaving violet trails in their wake.

1366
01:31:22.359 --> 01:31:28.239
I ran on, passing various New Yorkers staring uncharacteristically in shock.

1367
01:31:28.600 --> 01:31:31.520
As feet away, one of the meteors hit the sidewalk,

1368
01:31:31.960 --> 01:31:36.239
splitting it violently. One of the shadow beings rose from

1369
01:31:36.279 --> 01:31:40.720
the smoking rubble and immediately attacked a bystander, sending a

1370
01:31:40.760 --> 01:31:44.239
geyser of blood up into the frigid night sky, the

1371
01:31:44.319 --> 01:31:47.840
resulting crimson rain freezing to red ice as soon as

1372
01:31:47.880 --> 01:31:53.039
it collided with the ground in steam hissing droplets. Shit,

1373
01:31:54.000 --> 01:31:57.640
why is this happening? I thought stereotypically as I tore

1374
01:31:57.760 --> 01:32:00.920
ass on and on without a destination, no other motivation

1375
01:32:01.039 --> 01:32:03.720
than saving my narrow ass from getting ripped a new

1376
01:32:03.720 --> 01:32:08.079
one from astro monsters falling from the heavens. A few

1377
01:32:08.079 --> 01:32:13.119
blocks down, things got much worse. I saw one of

1378
01:32:13.159 --> 01:32:16.920
the shadow creatures attack a woman, but amazingly, it didn't

1379
01:32:16.920 --> 01:32:20.079
finish her off before it bounded off after a faster

1380
01:32:20.199 --> 01:32:23.800
moving victim that ran like a fucking cartoon character over

1381
01:32:23.840 --> 01:32:27.079
a sheet of ice before regaining his footing and speeding

1382
01:32:27.119 --> 01:32:30.720
off into the night. Against all common sense, I made

1383
01:32:30.720 --> 01:32:32.680
my way over to the woman to try and help her,

1384
01:32:33.439 --> 01:32:36.760
but upon arrival, she was a complete and total mess

1385
01:32:36.800 --> 01:32:39.479
that looked more like a plate of discarded spaghetti and

1386
01:32:39.520 --> 01:32:41.960
red sauce than a young lady out for a stroll.

1387
01:32:43.119 --> 01:32:51.039
Please please just hold me, she whimpered. I did, immediately,

1388
01:32:51.079 --> 01:32:55.119
soaking my best T shirt and blood. What's your name?

1389
01:32:56.199 --> 01:32:59.439
I asked, mainly because it's what I saw characters do

1390
01:32:59.520 --> 01:33:07.000
on TV when they encountered similar, deeply shitty situations. Uh, Olivia,

1391
01:33:07.720 --> 01:33:13.000
she muttered weakly. That's a great name, I said, unconvincingly.

1392
01:33:13.920 --> 01:33:17.600
So what brings you out tonight? What the hell kind

1393
01:33:17.640 --> 01:33:21.399
of question was that? In response to my quandary, her

1394
01:33:21.439 --> 01:33:26.159
eyes glazed over cataract white. Suddenly, she sat up straight

1395
01:33:26.239 --> 01:33:29.880
and shoved me back hard, sending me directly on my ass.

1396
01:33:30.399 --> 01:33:33.560
A hiss escaped her now blue lips, which were flecked

1397
01:33:33.560 --> 01:33:37.159
with neon green phlegm. Her gums had retracted to the

1398
01:33:37.159 --> 01:33:41.239
point where her teeth now appeared ginormous. Speaking of teeth,

1399
01:33:41.560 --> 01:33:45.720
she began clicking them together rhythmically. Somewhere behind me, I

1400
01:33:45.760 --> 01:33:49.439
heard a slight commotion which quickly grew in intensity before

1401
01:33:49.479 --> 01:33:54.760
a group of what the hell are these things? Zombies? Yeah,

1402
01:33:55.079 --> 01:33:57.800
let's go with that. A group of zombies spilled forth

1403
01:33:57.800 --> 01:34:01.560
from a nearby bodega. Their limb was flailing wildly as

1404
01:34:01.560 --> 01:34:05.760
they moved both fast and clumsily forward. I screamed and

1405
01:34:06.000 --> 01:34:09.039
possibly pede a tad and booked it like a freight

1406
01:34:09.079 --> 01:34:17.279
train straight out of hell. I ran until my lungs

1407
01:34:17.359 --> 01:34:21.279
burned from the freezing air. Then I made the absolutely

1408
01:34:21.359 --> 01:34:25.760
idiotic decision to stop for a second get my shit together.

1409
01:34:26.840 --> 01:34:30.079
The zombies were on me before you could say, George A. Romero.

1410
01:34:31.199 --> 01:34:40.199
I felt no pain, but darkness soon took me. I

1411
01:34:40.279 --> 01:34:43.439
came to for the briefest of seconds. The sound of

1412
01:34:43.520 --> 01:34:47.840
unearthly trumpets filled the sky, and as soon as they arrived,

1413
01:34:47.960 --> 01:34:52.359
the creatures formed back into meteors and rose into the sky.

1414
01:34:52.479 --> 01:34:57.199
As the strange music became more and more like sirens,

1415
01:34:58.520 --> 01:35:09.039
blackness came for me again, and then I woke up

1416
01:35:09.119 --> 01:35:12.279
to even more blackness and a minor head injury from

1417
01:35:12.319 --> 01:35:16.880
the aforementioned ceiling. I stared into the darkness before my

1418
01:35:16.920 --> 01:35:19.560
eyes finally settled on a sliver of light down by

1419
01:35:19.560 --> 01:35:22.880
my feet. I slid forward on my back and pressed

1420
01:35:22.880 --> 01:35:27.279
my feet towards the light. Damn. Whatever I pushed up

1421
01:35:27.279 --> 01:35:33.720
against was cold, cold, but very forgiving. A door opened,

1422
01:35:33.800 --> 01:35:37.960
letting harsh fluorescent lights smash into my eyes with wild abandon.

1423
01:35:38.880 --> 01:35:42.239
I pushed forward and immediately fell onto the rigid tile floor.

1424
01:35:42.920 --> 01:35:45.640
It took me about three point seven seconds to realize

1425
01:35:45.680 --> 01:35:50.680
where I was the morgue. I looked down at my

1426
01:35:50.760 --> 01:35:53.399
now bare feet and removed the Manila tag that was

1427
01:35:53.439 --> 01:35:56.880
tied around my big toe. I have no idea what

1428
01:35:56.920 --> 01:36:01.840
had happened to me, but I was definitely dead. I

1429
01:36:01.960 --> 01:36:05.159
caught my reflection in a nearby mirror mounted on the wall.

1430
01:36:06.319 --> 01:36:10.720
I wasn't a zombie either. Then I saw the two

1431
01:36:10.840 --> 01:36:19.960
forms rise from the gurneys behind me. Rick, Sloppy Whoever,

1432
01:36:20.239 --> 01:36:23.760
and Debbie sat up. They were nude minus the thin

1433
01:36:23.840 --> 01:36:28.359
sheets that covered them, but Sloppy's mohawk was unmistakable since

1434
01:36:28.399 --> 01:36:31.640
it was hot pink with electric blue tips. It took

1435
01:36:31.680 --> 01:36:33.720
a minute, but I could tell they were much the

1436
01:36:33.760 --> 01:36:36.760
same as Olivia from earlier in the evening, but their

1437
01:36:36.800 --> 01:36:42.319
faces seemed downright friendly instead of you know, menacing as

1438
01:36:42.439 --> 01:36:48.239
could possibly fucking be. You guys look like shit, Thanks Pal,

1439
01:36:48.760 --> 01:36:53.399
you look naked. I hadn't noticed it before, but Sloppy

1440
01:36:53.479 --> 01:36:56.359
was right. I was every bit as naked as my friends,

1441
01:36:57.199 --> 01:36:59.600
but where I was shivering from the coldness of the room,

1442
01:36:59.680 --> 01:37:02.760
they seemed to be as cozy as could be. My

1443
01:37:02.880 --> 01:37:05.720
eyes darted around the room for something to cover up in,

1444
01:37:06.319 --> 01:37:08.920
and then they fell on a plastic bin filled with

1445
01:37:08.920 --> 01:37:12.359
my clothes, wallet. Hell, even my beat to shit Doc

1446
01:37:12.439 --> 01:37:15.880
Martin's were accounted for. I crossed the room and pulled

1447
01:37:15.880 --> 01:37:21.560
on my clothes. So what's new with you two? Well,

1448
01:37:22.399 --> 01:37:25.479
we were ripped apart by aliens and woke up as zombies.

1449
01:37:25.520 --> 01:37:29.319
But you know, doesn't feel too bad, Debbie said, cheerfully.

1450
01:37:30.279 --> 01:37:34.720
You guys don't want to eat me, not particularly, No

1451
01:37:35.920 --> 01:37:39.880
turn me into one of you. Nope, Sloppy said flatly,

1452
01:37:41.079 --> 01:37:47.760
Well what do you want to do? We sat at

1453
01:37:47.800 --> 01:37:51.720
Max's drinking our stolen beer, just me and my two

1454
01:37:51.840 --> 01:37:57.000
naked zombie pals. The walk back was uneventful. This particular

1455
01:37:57.039 --> 01:38:01.560
area of the city seemed completely abandoned. Only corpses remained.

1456
01:38:02.279 --> 01:38:05.600
Occasionally we'd hear noises of happy crowds from deeper within

1457
01:38:05.640 --> 01:38:09.680
the city, or footsteps close behind us or from the rooftops,

1458
01:38:10.239 --> 01:38:12.920
But if more creatures prowled tonight, we sure as fuck

1459
01:38:12.960 --> 01:38:16.920
didn't see them. The entire thing was very omega man

1460
01:38:17.000 --> 01:38:20.640
to be quite honest, but as previously mentioned, one with

1461
01:38:20.800 --> 01:38:25.600
less monsters for a change, so that was a big plus. Anyway,

1462
01:38:25.880 --> 01:38:28.560
a punk and two naked zombies walked into a bar.

1463
01:38:29.359 --> 01:38:32.920
No punchline, We just walked in, stole beer, and sat

1464
01:38:32.960 --> 01:38:35.920
at a table surrounded by corpses on a chilly New

1465
01:38:36.000 --> 01:38:40.119
Year's Eve night. Hell. As hard as it is to believe,

1466
01:38:40.600 --> 01:38:43.399
the New year had already begun a few hours ago,

1467
01:38:43.520 --> 01:38:46.359
probably between the time we were eaten by monsters and

1468
01:38:46.399 --> 01:38:50.319
waking up as either one a guy that obviously fainted

1469
01:38:50.359 --> 01:38:52.520
at the prospect of being eaten, when in fact, some

1470
01:38:53.000 --> 01:38:56.199
cosmic twist of fate called the herd home before said

1471
01:38:56.239 --> 01:39:00.399
eating could take place, or two as monsters that behave

1472
01:39:00.479 --> 01:39:03.279
absolutely nothing like monsters that made them, who in turn

1473
01:39:03.600 --> 01:39:08.600
were made from other monsters from space. It makes perfect

1474
01:39:08.640 --> 01:39:12.800
sense if you're drunk or mentally ill, or a combo

1475
01:39:12.880 --> 01:39:13.399
of the two.

1476
01:39:15.279 --> 01:39:20.199
A sh it was only the wind. You're safe, weekly spooky,

1477
01:39:20.279 --> 01:39:21.319
We'll be right back.

1478
01:39:22.840 --> 01:39:26.319
So we sat and drank and laughed as if absolutely

1479
01:39:26.359 --> 01:39:30.000
nothing was off in any way. It was kind of perfect,

1480
01:39:30.000 --> 01:39:33.760
to be honest with you, So now what what what

1481
01:39:34.399 --> 01:39:37.720
I mean? You too can't exactly go back home again

1482
01:39:37.800 --> 01:39:41.279
unless everyone in your family. Fuck that if the whole

1483
01:39:41.359 --> 01:39:45.399
damn town was suddenly stricken blind. You know that's kind

1484
01:39:45.399 --> 01:39:49.600
of mean, but totally true, don't you think, Rick, Debbie asked,

1485
01:39:49.600 --> 01:39:53.279
a little string of neon green flems slash drool escaping

1486
01:39:53.319 --> 01:39:56.560
from her mouth as she spoke. It does make sense

1487
01:39:57.600 --> 01:39:59.720
you're not going to correct her for calling you Rick

1488
01:40:00.479 --> 01:40:04.800
after being dead. I don't know, the nickname seems tacky.

1489
01:40:04.920 --> 01:40:09.880
Now it's not just now, kiddo, Debbie countered. Rick flipped

1490
01:40:09.880 --> 01:40:13.079
her the bird playfully. I think the first thing we

1491
01:40:13.079 --> 01:40:15.880
should do is assess just how far this thing spread.

1492
01:40:16.800 --> 01:40:20.760
The rest of the city seems okay, but here you'd

1493
01:40:20.840 --> 01:40:25.399
think there'd be emergency cruise or or something. I said,

1494
01:40:25.439 --> 01:40:28.800
looking for a TV or radio we could use. I

1495
01:40:28.920 --> 01:40:32.520
finally located a small transistor radio behind the bar and

1496
01:40:32.600 --> 01:40:35.920
switched it on. Only static filled the air no matter

1497
01:40:35.920 --> 01:40:40.000
what channel I tuned to. Well, so much for that.

1498
01:40:41.039 --> 01:40:44.319
Rick got up and wandered around the room for a minute.

1499
01:40:44.520 --> 01:40:48.239
I think we have to consider something else, he said, solemnly,

1500
01:40:49.119 --> 01:40:53.000
which is those things will be back. You can bet

1501
01:40:53.039 --> 01:40:56.920
on that. What makes you so sure? Debbie asked, her

1502
01:40:56.960 --> 01:41:01.439
white pupilless eyes staring blankly. Why come all this way?

1503
01:41:01.560 --> 01:41:03.840
Rip shit up for under an hour, then just piss

1504
01:41:03.840 --> 01:41:07.359
off back to whatever demented home world could spawn space

1505
01:41:07.399 --> 01:41:10.640
invader rejects that turn people into zombies, most of which

1506
01:41:10.640 --> 01:41:14.079
are hungry for human flesh except when they aren't. Like

1507
01:41:14.800 --> 01:41:20.479
me and deb that seems like a solid assumption. Maybe

1508
01:41:20.479 --> 01:41:24.079
this was like a dry run test shit out. See

1509
01:41:24.079 --> 01:41:28.720
how it goes, Debbie said quietly. I'd say it went swimmingly,

1510
01:41:28.760 --> 01:41:31.800
with the exception of you guys, what if we are

1511
01:41:31.920 --> 01:41:36.239
the desired result and the others were failures. Rick offered

1512
01:41:37.319 --> 01:41:40.760
no offense, but naked zombies that are no different than

1513
01:41:40.840 --> 01:41:45.039
regular humans other than looks seems like an experiment created

1514
01:41:45.079 --> 01:41:48.840
by an asshole convention or just by someone that has

1515
01:41:48.880 --> 01:41:54.439
next to zero common sense. I mean, they're aliens, presumably,

1516
01:41:55.039 --> 01:41:58.039
maybe their standards of intelligence are vastly different from ours.

1517
01:41:59.039 --> 01:42:02.640
As logical as anything else that's gone on tonight, Debbie,

1518
01:42:02.720 --> 01:42:04.840
can I talk to you in private for a moment?

1519
01:42:05.479 --> 01:42:08.680
Ricky asked, sounding more like an adult than I've ever

1520
01:42:08.760 --> 01:42:12.359
heard him before. Debbie and Ricky crossed to the opposite

1521
01:42:12.439 --> 01:42:15.359
end of the room. They stood silhouetted by the stage

1522
01:42:15.399 --> 01:42:18.760
lights that remained on. I couldn't help but wonder what

1523
01:42:18.840 --> 01:42:21.600
in the hell was so damn important? But I didn't

1524
01:42:21.640 --> 01:42:23.560
have a long time to contemplate. As soon as they

1525
01:42:23.600 --> 01:42:28.159
returned to the table. So listen, man, me and deb

1526
01:42:28.199 --> 01:42:31.800
were just talking and we have a proposition for you.

1527
01:42:32.840 --> 01:42:36.279
Is this going to get weirdly sexual? Debbie and Rick

1528
01:42:36.399 --> 01:42:39.439
laughed until they coughed up more green goo that hung

1529
01:42:39.520 --> 01:42:44.560
tenaciously to their cold blue lips. No, it's more like

1530
01:42:44.640 --> 01:42:49.640
dinner plans spill it. Let's say, for instance, that those

1531
01:42:49.720 --> 01:42:53.359
cosmic creeps make a return engagement tonight. Do you think

1532
01:42:53.399 --> 01:42:57.600
your chances of continued survival are greater or lesser given

1533
01:42:57.680 --> 01:43:01.520
your current state? To be like you would help, But

1534
01:43:02.439 --> 01:43:05.039
I'm not too keen on joining the ranks of the

1535
01:43:05.039 --> 01:43:10.039
shambling dead. We move around just fine, and we're impervious

1536
01:43:10.079 --> 01:43:14.600
to the cold. Deb added merrily. That's all well and good,

1537
01:43:14.720 --> 01:43:18.159
But say I agree to this. What makes you so

1538
01:43:18.199 --> 01:43:21.439
sure I won't end up like the others because we

1539
01:43:21.479 --> 01:43:25.079
aren't like that, and we'll both bite you better your

1540
01:43:25.159 --> 01:43:29.960
chances that way? And then what do we do? Hide out?

1541
01:43:30.199 --> 01:43:33.600
Maybe gather some weapons. If they think we're on their side,

1542
01:43:33.600 --> 01:43:35.560
we may be able to just walk up and pop

1543
01:43:35.640 --> 01:43:38.640
them before they know what hit them. I truly hate

1544
01:43:38.680 --> 01:43:42.319
it when you make reasonable arguments. Is that a yes?

1545
01:43:43.560 --> 01:43:47.680
I mean, back home is comfortable. But I can't help

1546
01:43:47.680 --> 01:43:50.159
but think I have a greater purpose in life than

1547
01:43:50.199 --> 01:43:54.319
being a counter jockey at a video store. Saving the

1548
01:43:54.359 --> 01:43:59.760
whole damn planet would definitely qualify for that. Fuck all right,

1549
01:44:00.199 --> 01:44:04.479
I'm in Debbie barely let out an excited yay before

1550
01:44:04.520 --> 01:44:13.159
the biting began. When I woke up, I felt nothing,

1551
01:44:13.800 --> 01:44:19.159
no more cold, no more warmth, thankfully, no hunger. Eventually,

1552
01:44:19.199 --> 01:44:22.279
we gathered some supplies, clothes, and made our way back

1553
01:44:22.279 --> 01:44:25.359
to our van. Soon we were headed due west. As

1554
01:44:25.359 --> 01:44:28.520
we exited the city, which, besides the few blocks we

1555
01:44:28.560 --> 01:44:31.760
spent the night on, seemed perfectly normal in every single way.

1556
01:44:32.880 --> 01:44:37.239
For now, we sat under the hot desert sky, just

1557
01:44:37.279 --> 01:44:40.000
outside the trailer we had shared for over fourteen years.

1558
01:44:40.760 --> 01:44:44.119
We sipped lemonade from glasses adorned with various sci fi

1559
01:44:44.199 --> 01:44:48.119
flick characters, more for nostalgia than anything, since we no

1560
01:44:48.199 --> 01:44:52.520
longer required any food or drink whatsoever. As the years

1561
01:44:52.560 --> 01:44:55.640
wore on, we became less and less sure our intergalactic

1562
01:44:55.720 --> 01:44:59.359
enemies would ever return. But since we basically just hung

1563
01:44:59.359 --> 01:45:02.680
out and watched and made music. It really didn't matter

1564
01:45:02.760 --> 01:45:12.560
much until the day that changed. The saucer hovered low

1565
01:45:12.600 --> 01:45:16.079
in the sky before releasing three meteors that collided with

1566
01:45:16.159 --> 01:45:20.720
the desert floor. Three shadow beings crossed the sand. We

1567
01:45:20.840 --> 01:45:23.399
drew weapons we've never fired and prepared for what we

1568
01:45:23.520 --> 01:45:28.640
guessed was coming. Except what came was vastly different than

1569
01:45:28.680 --> 01:45:32.279
any scenario we'd imagined over the years. The beings held

1570
01:45:32.319 --> 01:45:37.000
out their smoky hands and our weapons vanished. Didn't plan

1571
01:45:37.079 --> 01:45:41.199
on that, Ricky whispered. Then the largest of the three

1572
01:45:41.279 --> 01:45:46.119
spoke to us, Hey, folks, we just want to say

1573
01:45:46.800 --> 01:45:49.880
sorry for the trouble we caused you. As children. We've

1574
01:45:49.920 --> 01:45:53.479
done some serious growth since then and realized how childish

1575
01:45:53.520 --> 01:45:58.760
our prank was, but we were just young punks. We

1576
01:45:58.840 --> 01:46:01.479
all looked at each other with our cataract eyes, and

1577
01:46:01.600 --> 01:46:06.159
it finally all made sense. The anarchy, the chaos. We

1578
01:46:06.399 --> 01:46:10.960
as punks held those beliefs dear, and so did our

1579
01:46:11.000 --> 01:46:14.960
brothers from the stars. I cracked some beers and handed

1580
01:46:15.000 --> 01:46:26.239
them to our guests. So what bands are you, guys? Into? Spookies,

1581
01:46:27.039 --> 01:46:31.479
Thank you so much for the most successful year in

1582
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Weekly Spooky history. As we head into our sixth year

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of podcasting and bringing you something scary every single week.

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I want you to know it's become more than just

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a show to me. It's become a purpose when life

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gets hard, when tragedy strikes. Something that helps me stay

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grounded is knowing that I owe all of you subscribers

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a show every week, and your ears, your fears, your

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your imaginations are what make this show work. So thank

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you from the bottom of my heart for giving me

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and all of my wonderful authors a chance to be

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a part of your lives, to make your workday go

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by a little bit smoother, to make washing the dishes

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a little more fun. That's all I ever wanted when

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I launched the show, because it's what podcasts gave me

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as a listener, a little bit higher quality of life

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through audio. I knew I was gonna get a little

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bit sappy, but I just want to say thank you,

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and I can't wait to release even more programming to

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you all year long in twenty twenty five, and we're

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going to start it off with a Strickfield mini series.

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So January is all about fun, cliff and scary events.

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So thank you again, and I will mention it because

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I have to. If you want to support us in

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01:48:09.800 --> 01:48:13.720
a direct way, head to Weeklyspooky dot com slash join

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01:48:13.960 --> 01:48:16.039
for as little as one dollar a month, get two

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01:48:16.039 --> 01:48:19.399
bonus shows every month and help the show very directly.

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But that being set, just you being here, just you

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being subscribed and listening whenever you have a chance, even

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if it's only around the holidays, when you have the time,

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means everything. And if you ever want to email me

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for anything, I don't care what. It's Weekly Spooky at

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gmail dot com. All Right, I got to get back

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to work because I still need to record our brand

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new New Year's Day show. But thank you again for

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a very special year, and I'll talk at you soon.